High maintenance women, whats not to love?

05 Sep

I have a friend who married poorly.

It happens, and when a good friend gives the ring to a woman that he would’nt if he was thinking straight, there really is nothing you can do but bitch lightly and let him hang himself.

Not now, but for the rest of his married life.

Which will hopefully be short for this guy.

There is one child involved, but before anyone moans about “The sake of the kids” keep in mind that seeing mom castigate and de-ball dad at every turn is not necessarily a “Nurturing environment.”

In an unusual act of complete disclosure, I freely admit that I do not like this woman.

That being said, she’s a bitch.

Flat out, from the start, old school, if she didn’t a vagina she’d have a bounty on her head, bitch.

I do the whole “Don’t like” thing well, call it a gift.

Its kind of like a less-philosophical  version of Henry Rollins “If you’re going to love something-” speech.

The high-maintenance wife can come from two different places.

The first and most likely creator of the high maintenance wife is the high maintenance mother raising a high maintenance daughter.

Because misery loves company, and what better way to have company than to make it yourself.

The daughter is carefully crafted with a sense of bitchy entitlement, while the son spends his pre-teens, teens and early twenties paying penance for the un-named sin of being born with testicles.

The second place a high maintenance wife comes from is the most rare, but the worst one.

They are just born that way.

Unpleasant in the crib, bitchie as an infant, horrid as a pre-teen, and fast approaching the C-word as she moves thru her teens like an angry snake.

You can’t help but hate her with a passion.

And this type always seems to be the ones your friends pick.

Later in life, this type is prone to depression, loudly proclaiming to anyone who gets stuck listening that she can’t figure out why no one likes her.

I would tell her, but I can’t stand to be near her.

These types have a tendency to refer to me as “That asshole friend of yours”.

Its accurate, but rude.

The majority of these marriages end in a divorce that soaks him for every dime he’s worth.

The only upside to the divorce is that these husbands hit the divorce road like a man busting out of jail.

These are serious pent up party people.

You have to ride shotgun with these guys a lot, they have a tendency to experiment with drugs like a curious freshman.

As long as you can keep them away from Meth, you are fine, let them sow some oats, its been building up.

But slip a few condoms in their pocket at the beginning of the evening, they grew up during a time when STD’s were curable, and they rarely listen to reason when they are drunk and have a hard on.

But, if they find the condom themselves, they feel more like its their idea.

Whatever works.

And thats what friends are for.



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Posted by on September 5, 2012 in Uncategorized


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