I am living the dream.
The weather is awesome.
The coffee is hot.
And Mrs Evil Couple is sitting next to me, arguing with her sister on her cell.
Life is good.
If you are not sure who Mrs Evil Couple is, lets take a stroll down memory lane. (Or read the whole Evil Couple saga – HERE)
She is one half, the worst half, of the most dysfunctional married couple I have ever seen.
She has said some of the most horrendous things and treated people so vilely its a wonder she hasn’t been shot.
If she lived in the Middle East, she would have been stoned to death.
The last few times I saw her and her husband, a local doctor, they were reconciling from what looked like an imminent divorce.
But the absolute last time I saw them they looked like they had reconciled.
Good. I wish them well.
And now here she is.
From listening for a few minutes, I figure out that she is arguing with her sister.
Several months ago, she was talking with her sister about putting her mother in a “Home”.
My favorite quote from that exchange?
“Just make sure its not so close that I feel bad when I don’t go to see her.”
The last bit of catching up is my personal description of her.
She thinks you are a moron and she is sick of your shit.
Everyone all caught up?
It seems that mom never went to a “Home”.
She has been living with the sister.
And the sister is done.
“Now is not a good time, I can’t have her at my house.”
“You have always been a selfish bitch, everyone knows this.”
“This is why the family hates you.”
Apparently the thought of it has unnerved her. She took a big sip of her coffee without checking it and almost spit out the scalding liquid.
I can only imagine what mom is like, I mean, her daughter is a twisted harridan.
Whatever her sister is saying, Mrs. Evil wants to blow it off. You can tell from the body language.
I can’t hear it, but someone calls her, she put her sister on hold and switched lines.
“My sister is on the other line, its about mama.”
Has to be her husband on the line.
The call is wildly anti-climatic.
She tells him that she is on her way to take care of the “thing”.
She hangs up on him and stares at her phone.
I know exactly what she is doing.
I have done this before.
You get someone on one line that you are not thrilled about talking to, then you get another call and switch over.
Once that call is over, you hesitate because you could totally hang up on the other person and just claim the phone did it.
It doesn’t shock me when she presses a button and puts the phone in her purse.
As she gets up to leave it occurs to me that I am forgetting the description.
Can’t leave this out.
I have seen this woman dressed for selling real estate. Dressed in a suit, blonde hair long and feathery, this 30 something woman is STUNNING.
But, when NOT dressed for real estate, the once feathered hair shoots out in a kind of blonde afro.
No make up, thick grey muscleman sweats with crocs.
An xl tee shirt with no bra. And when a woman that once birthed and, I assume, breast fed twins, does not wear a bra, it is something to see.
And, just like that, she is gone.
I spend the rest of the morning in an almost giddy state.
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