Screwed by the deal.

16 Aug

I love a good deal.

I am also kind of cheap. (I am at peace with that, I mean, it is what it is.)

So, one of the modern marketing things I really like is the Groupon.

There are a hundred companies doing the same thing, but lets call all of them Groupon for the sake of brevity.

Groupon is a simple idea.

Find a local business, get them to cut s sweet short term coupon deal to spur sales, and Groupon will send it out to the local geographic area of thousands, taking a little commission for every sale.

It puts a lot of stuff in your face in a convenient way that lets cheap, lazy bastards like myself spread my money around.

And it works.

I recently bought a combination horse riding rental/wine tasting for two from a Groupon at a great price.

Not something I would have even conceived of without the email.

This is useful shit.

However, there are a lot of them I cannot or will not use.

Massages are common.

I have a thing about strangers touching me, even with my permission.

Also, laser hair removal is not something I will use.

Not that I don’t need it, but the amount I need is just not cost effective.

Manscaping is no bueno.

There was a Groupon today that was somewhat disturbing.

Anything I read at a glance, but think about continually over the next few hours, I figure its significant.

Half-price and two-for-one vein removal.

Um…. don’t you need those?

Stop me if I’m wrong, but unless its killing you, leave it in.

Any car collector will tell you, original equipment is always preferable.

Same goes for injecting poison into your face.

I know the doctors say that Botox is safe, but these are the same guys selling the shit.

Any meth dealer will tell you the same thing about Meth.

But the logic of it is pretty solid, as far as I am concerned.

You can’t inject poison into your skin for a long period of time and not have it affect you.

Better to spend the money on a therapist to find out why you dislike your natural state.

Grow old gracefully.

And the reason I am railing against Botox is? I just got a Groupon for injections, half off until Friday.

Might have to purchase that one. Hypocritical, but I am not under any sort of compulsion to do anything other than amuse myself here.

Which I do.

I have a friend that gets Botox. (Before you think this is you, consider that I know of over a dozen people who shoot the poison.)

In a recent email exchange, she was explaining to me that she feels that a neighbor getting a boob job is shallow, then proceeded to launch a defense of Botox for herself.

And I hadn’t said anything about it.

Its one thing for me to throw the bait out there, but when you begin drilling your own nerves, I gotta question your logic.

Or maybe its one of those situations where my reputation proceeds me.

They know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will jump on anything that smacks of the pot verbally assaulting the kettle and they are trying to head it off.

Kind of like telling your parents about something you know they won’t like.

I like to call it the Bittermac Authority Figure Complex.

Basically its watching your shit so some blogging asshole doesn’t jump on it like a horny monkey for shits and giggles. (And, if you giggle when you shit, seek help. Just saying.)

You’ve been warned.



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Posted by on August 16, 2012 in Uncategorized


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