Waiting to go into court is a lot like riding the bus.
A feeling of superiority washes over you and you spend a lot of time trying to figure out whats wrong with everyone there.
And, like riding the bus, you do see some messed up people.
Turns out, even the homeless show up for court.
At least, I think this guy is homeless. He sure smells like it.
Don’t get me wrong, I get along with the homeless.
But I always stack the comfort cards in my favor.
I always try to be outdoors and upwind.
Now, try being stuck in a warm court room and forced to sit next to a man that, unless I am badly mistaken, is tweaking heavily.
You would think that, should you find yourself in this unfortunate condition on the day of your court appearance, you would think better of it and just not show.
The bailiff has been eyeballing this guy since he came in, and I have noticed that his hand never gets to far away from his gun.
Great, that is exactly what I need, to be caught in the crossfire when the human version of “Oscar the Grouch” loses it.
Although, with all of the “Zombie flesh eater” attacks going on, maybe a bailiff with an itchy trigger finger is not such a bad thing.
I am more willing to get winged in the shoulder from a ricochet than to have my face eaten because Oscar is high on bath salts.
I know almost nothing about what you do with bath salts in order to get high with them.
My great grandmother used to use bath salts in the proscribed manner, so the only thing I really know about them is what they smell like.
I get one whiff of potpourri off of this guy and I am liable to shit myself.
Right before I flee the courtroom.
When you are running from a bath salts crazed zombie attacker, you really don’t have to run faster than him.
You just have to outrun the other victims.
I may start knocking people over as well.
I have the survival instincts like a rat on the Titanic.
It will NOT be me.
Just on the off chance that the zombie attack does not go down, I will have to see the judge.
Not a huge thing, just a brain fart with paperwork 6 months ago and a ticket that I did not take care of.
I am wildly responsible with my personal business, meticulous.
Right up until I am not.
Which is why I am here today.
I am guilty.
However, the city is over reacting by thinking that, for something that carries $150 fine, that you can set $1000 in penalties on it for not taking care of it.
And the judge agreed with that.
In fact, part of it was dismissed, so we are down to $125.
Now, that I will pay, gladly.
Court works as long as you play by the rules.
You can plead Guilty, Not Guilty, or No Contest.
No Contest means pretty much “Guilty but I don’t want to admit it.”
But, and here is the kicker, that ALL you can plead.
You are not there to plead your case.
If you try to, the judge will have you sit down.
The idea is, let him finish with what he has scheduled and then he will chit chat about your shit.
But, its a trick question of sorts, because he is NEVER done with what he has scheduled.
So, you will wait in a legal limbo until they decide what to do with you.
Because you are Guilty, Not Guilty or No Contest.
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