A well dressed freak.

13 Jul

Some guys scratch their balls in public.

Well, scratch is a little too organized.

Lets say they fiddle with their balls.

I should stop saying they and their, and replace it with we and us.

And their really is no reason for it.

Its not like they actually itch.

Otherwise the doctors would have had us living in calamine lotion years ago for  that amount of itching.

And the guy that is pacing out in front of Starbucks talking business on the phone is going to friggin town on himself.

I can’t figure out if he is wearing ill fitting pants or has a mean case of the crabs.

Doesn’t seem to be interfering with his business skills.

This man is Wallstreet.

With the itchiest balls on the planet.

That is funny, creepy and just plain weird all at once.

I once read that too much Sudafed can cause irritation.

But they claimed it was rectal irritation.

I shudder to think what kind of crazy shit this guy would have to be up to with the sudafed in order to move that irritation not only forward but to increase it by a factor of ten.

Unlikely, besides, the box said “Minor irritation”.

That is a pretty important bit of information.

That is the difference between getting a strange look in public and accidentally sodemizing yourself with a finger in the effort to relieve the itch.

I am both ashamed and in awe of that last line.

If I had any sense, I would erase it and move on.

But that wouldn’t be fair.

After all, you don’t go to the freak show so they can hide the freaks from you.

You want to see the nasty.

So be it.

Back to the CEO of Itchy Balls, Inc.

His suit is impeccable, except for possibly a shiny wear spoke on the crotch.

And he doesn’t buy off the rack.

A deviant with taste.

Judge not lest ye be judged and all that.

Besides, who among us can’t be busted for this, at least in a lesser degree.

Let he who has a free hand cast the first stone.

And he just scratched the crack of his ass.

Maybe I wasn’t wrong about the Sudafed.

I have often wondered why people don’t yell at the dog for doing worse things to himself.

The dog can lay in the middle of the floor and lick his own balls for an hour and no one says a word.

And every man at one time or another has wished that he not only could do it, but that he could get away with it.

Go ahead and call me a liar, theres enough truth there to make it stick.

Or sticky.



1 Comment

Posted by on July 13, 2012 in Uncategorized


One response to “A well dressed freak.

  1. MR

    July 13, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    I would have expected you to make a comment to him as you passed him such as, “Might want to see a doctor about that, looks like you got it bad” or maybe we just think that shit when we see someone in public really going at it and not realizing how in appropriate it is to behave that way in public, like really dude?


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