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It’s all my fault.

12 Jul

I have a bit of an abrasive personality and I realize that I can rub people the wrong way.

My mental makeup is such that I rarely think about this sort of thing, but when I do, I always wish I could do something about it.

So I decided to take a page from AA and write a letter of apology to the people I have offended.

I would like to apologize to the following people:

  • To the cab driver who cut me off when I was on my scooter. Sorry for having the temerity to toot my horn at you when you almost guard railed me and my scooter into parked cars. I realize that I left you no choice but to flip me off and stamp on your brakes several times. I had it coming when you pulled into the lane next to me at the stop light and yelled in pidgeon English. While I am certain I have never been damned by the Almighty, I have also never met your mother, and I  think you confused me with all the other guys that have screwed her.
  • To the mother who had pushed her stroller into the middle of the sidewalk outside of the Coffee Bean and left it there for a few minutes while you texted. Although you watched me walk up and stop since the sidewalk was blocked, I never said anything about needing to get by. My silence was obviously antagonistic and pretty much demanded the muttered “Asshole” you gave me as I walked by in silence.
  • To the driver of the Mercedes S-class that skidded into the crosswalk 5 feet from me. I am sorry for stampeding into the crosswalk and not letting you run the red light. That whole red light means stop thing can be confusing. A lot of people would mistake your revving of the engine and lurching forward, but I know you meant it kindly.
  • To the telemarketer that called and asked to speak to the company president who left the company 2 years ago. My bad, dog. I should keep that info up to date or at least have given you the current CEO’s cell phone and home number, after all, you are just doing your job.
  • To the exasperated sandwich maker at subway. I really shouldn’t be so picky. After all, I have made sandwiches at home after using the bathroom when I was a kid and I never got sick. I shouldn’t have asked for someone else to make my sandwich. Besides, food poisoning can have its positive side. Its a great way to drop a few pounds quickly and I do have a high school reunion coming up.

In closing I would like to assure everyone involved, I am aware of my shortcomings and am dedicating myself to change.

And not that fake Hope and Change thing if you’ll just elect my type, but actual change.

Thank you for listening.

 

MY APOLOGIES IF THOSE BUTTONS ARE IRRITATING. IF YOU CLICK THEM, THEY FADE OUT.

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2 Comments

Posted by on July 12, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

2 responses to “It’s all my fault.

  1. Rockstar

    July 12, 2012 at 9:15 am

    HA! I had food poisoning yesterday, and thought, “well, on the plus side, I’ll drop a couple of pounds before the weekend…” Silver linings and all…

     
    • Bittermac

      July 17, 2012 at 10:05 am

      I dated a girl after high school that said the greatest thing that ever happened to her was getting Mono 9 months before senior prom. Said she looked awesome.

       

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