Stephen King has three children.
I find that horrifying.
Can you imagine bedtime in that house growing up?
Who wants a bedtime story?
I would shit myself and never sleep again.
On another level, I find Stephen King brilliant.
Mainly for his view of writing.
Here is his definition of a talented writer.
“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a check, if you cashed the check and it didn’t bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”
Kind of a blue collar approach.
I hate the kind of writer that will drone on about the “craft of writing”.
I got an email from one of these types awhile ago.
Asking me about my “Process”.
My “Process” as it were, is this:
First, I drink a little too much coffee and get nice and edgey.
Then, I drink some more.
Then, I look at my list of stupid sayings or titles that I have jotted down as they occur.
Then I have some more coffee.
By this time, there is a buzzing in my ears and I have to pee.
So I begin troweling out whatever will fit on the page, pinching my ass cheeks together in an effort to keep from pissing myself.
Once I reach 500 words, more or less, I stop.
Then I have more coffee.
And then I reward myself by peeing.
And on that rare occasion that I have to interrupt the writing to go to the bathroom, it really is kind of a bummer.
Mainly because I have the attention span of a horny gnat and I forget things easily.
I have pissed away amazing ideas in the last year.
Its a fine line to walk, balancing my bathroom breaks in between writing periods.
Some of my best work is done with a bladder tighter than a snare drum.
But, somehow, I manage to get it done.
Stephen King must have a bladder the size of a large mixing bowl.
I read that he writes for 6 hours a day and doesn’t quit until he has 2000 words done for that day.
I couldn’t do it without ending up in the emergency room with a bladder infection.
But why does he write that way now?
I can see that kind of nose to the grindstone attitude when you are trying to get established.
That would be me if I had more dedication.
But King kind of IS the estblished writers aspire to.
He crossed the finish line and spiked the ball years ago.
Why not take a few easy victory laps?
At last count, he has sold over 250 million books.
Thats quite a few.
Compared to mine, which would be zero.
Thats a little intimidating. if you think about it.
I may have to publish a book now.
Thats part of the endgame to making a living blogging.
The day you can replace your full time paycheck with what you make from your writing, you change jobs.
That would be nice, drinking coffee, I mean writing for a living.
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