Creative writing and peeing.

06 Jul

Stephen King has three children.

I find that horrifying.

Can you imagine bedtime in that house growing up?

Who wants a bedtime story?

I would shit myself and never sleep again.

On another level, I find Stephen King brilliant.

Mainly for his view of writing.

Here is his definition of a talented writer.

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a check, if you cashed the check and it didn’t bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”

Kind of a blue collar approach.

I hate the kind of writer that will drone on about the “craft of writing”.

I got an email from one of these types awhile ago.

Asking me about my “Process”.

My “Process” as it were, is this:

First, I drink a little too much coffee and get nice and edgey.

Then, I drink some more.

Then, I look at my list of stupid sayings or titles that I have jotted down as they occur.

Then I have some more coffee.

By this time, there is a buzzing in my ears and I have to pee.

So I begin troweling out whatever will fit on the page, pinching my ass cheeks together in an effort to keep from pissing myself.

Once I reach 500 words, more or less, I stop.

Then I have more coffee.

And then I reward myself by peeing.

And on that rare occasion that I have to interrupt the writing to go to the bathroom, it really is kind of a bummer.

Mainly because I have the attention span of a horny gnat and I forget things easily.

I have pissed away amazing ideas in the last year.

Its a fine line to walk, balancing my bathroom breaks in between writing periods.

Some of my best work is done with a bladder tighter than a snare drum.

But, somehow, I manage to get it done.

Stephen King must have a bladder the size of a large mixing bowl.

I read that he writes for 6 hours a day and doesn’t quit until he has 2000 words done for that day.

I couldn’t do it without ending up in the emergency room with a bladder infection.

But why does he write that way now?

I can see that kind of nose to the grindstone attitude when you are trying to get established.

That would be me if I had more dedication.

But King kind of IS the estblished writers aspire to.

He crossed the finish line and spiked the ball years ago.

Why not take a few easy victory laps?

At last count, he has sold over 250 million books.

Thats quite a few.

Compared to mine, which would be zero.

Thats a little intimidating. if you think about it.

I may have to publish a book now.

Thats part of the endgame to making a living blogging.

The day you can replace your full time paycheck with what you make from your writing, you change jobs.

That would be nice, drinking coffee, I mean writing for a living.




Posted by on July 6, 2012 in Uncategorized


6 responses to “Creative writing and peeing.

  1. Rockstar

    July 7, 2012 at 9:41 am

    And King did all that brilliant writing while working crappy jobs and raising those kids. I have three, and it’s hard for me to find time to write an email…

    • Bittermac

      July 7, 2012 at 11:16 am

      His book on his writing history and process is one of the best on the market. “On writing”, read it, know it, live it.

      • Rockstar

        July 9, 2012 at 9:13 am

        Did done that years ago, and Danse Macabre when it came out, I read Lovecraft because of it. I love that he writes about his accident in On Writing.

      • Bittermac

        July 9, 2012 at 9:28 am

        I almost listed this as spam due to the gibberish at the beginning, but I recognize the email address.

    • Bittermac

      July 9, 2012 at 12:29 pm

      And his early stuff…(ie Carrie) is like a mad man wrote it. Brilliant, but a fucked up mind

  2. Ryan Rossini

    July 31, 2012 at 1:40 am

    Bladder infection can always be managed by taking antibiotics. It is also very helpful to drink more than 8 glasses of water a day. ,’;`:



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s