The Stanley cup, Cannibalism, and Caligula.

12 Jun

Los Angeles.

City of Angeles.

Birthplace of the Crips and the Bloods.


Some of the highest priced real estate on the planet.

And yet, today is LA’s lucky  day.

LA woke up lying on a bed of 4 leaf clovers.

Won the lottery.

Found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

In other words…

The King’s won the Stanley Cup.

Evidently, miracles do happen.

And by miracle, I don’t mean the win, which was incredible, in and of itself.

I mean, if LA doesn’t destroy itself with riots by the morning, it’ll be a miracle.

We don’t have a great history in the restraint department.

The moment the final buzzer sounded, you could hear the gunshots ring out over the city.

Not a good indicator of restraint.

Time to hunker down and hoard canned goods and ammo.

And, before its all over, there will be a few isolated reports of drug induced cannibalism.

It seems to be all the rage these days.

Dark and troubling times.

You never expect a riot, you just survive it.

Kind of like a social plague.

But you never heard anyone suffering from the plague justifying it later.

Hopefully, the King’s fans will keep it together better than Laker fans do.

I would say “And the Raiders” but lets face it, there is no danger of the Raiders winning the super bowl.

What a silly thought.

You would have a better chance of getting a massage from leprechaun who rode in on a unicorn, complete with “Happy Ending” finish.

Gross, but just as improbable.

I have to admit, it was a damned exciting series.

And I am not even a King’s fan.

But, God dammit, they played like God’s.

And if you think the players are not at parties that make Caligula’s finest moment look like a church social, you’re kidding yourself.

There isn’t a cop in this town that will break up that party, no matter who calls.

LA is a town of low morals and serious fuck-you money.

But, to the winner his due.

Its not like my team did a damned thing this year.

They were eliminated early and embarrassingly from the playoffs.

Fortunately, I never bet on sports.

I am a fan, but not a smart one.

Gambling requires a cold logic that I have never developed.

So, the not gambling thing is good.

Otherwise, I might be destitute, living on the streets.

Possibly a drug addict, despite having avoided the whole drug issue so far.

And, once my addiction hits the bottom, the whole cannibalism thing starts.

Hopefully, that won’t happen while my mother is still alive.

Because then we would all be in deep shit.

Everyone who read that last line came away with the demented desire to spare my mother the grief.

I will get a call from my mother, trying to figure out why I wished her dead.

Bizarre, I know, but this is the woman that raised the man that writes this twisted crap, so it makes perfect sense to the two of us.

And she’s not a King’s fan either.

But she did watch the games.

Nice job, LA.



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Posted by on June 12, 2012 in Uncategorized


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