Welcome to Tombstone.

07 Jun

My morning is not going the way it should.

Starbucks is having a convention of sorts.

The place is packed with people and there is not an available seat in the house.

How am I going to get my morning blog stuff done?

There is only one thing to do.

I know you don’t want to hear it, but we are now headed to the Coffee Bean.

Yeah. Shit.

For those who are new here, the Coffee Bean is not my favorite place for email and morning coffee.


Where do I start?

The coffee, it starts and ends with the coffee. Always has always will.

Mainly because its an addiction.

They put entirely too much emphasis on the countries the beans come from.

And the taste is a cross between hot sweat socks and ass.

Kenyan ass. (That is not a racial slur, its a stupid play on words because the flavor of the day is Kenyan.)

(And whoever sent my blog hosting company the email complaining that I am a misogynistic racist, you sent it to my email. Dumbass.)

Once you have a bad cup of imported ass, time to find a seat.

Most of the customers are in their 80’s.

That is an estimate, but if I’m wrong, I have rated them too young.

So I find a seat in the far corner.

And then I realize why that seat was open.

The air currents in the room blow straight into that corner.

I had my nose broken years ago, so smelling is not one of my strengths.

But good lord.

Within seconds, I am aware of the fact that the two main scents in the room.

The first is WAY TOO MUCH old lady perfume, like that Avon perfume they give you free with a purchase?

Well, maybe they gave your grandmother free with purchase.

And the second is Ben Gay.

I can remember that scent from when I was little.

You never forget it.

I once accidentally got some on my testicles and the pain with horrific and went on for hours.

Second only to the Nair incident, and NO, I will not be relating that one today.

And underneath it all is a subtle undercurrent of ass.

And possibly urine. Its chillingly like a hospital ward at a county hospital.

But its the nature of addiction that I find myself swilling lukewarm Kenya and checking email with my nose all wrinkled.

I have family that digs the Coffee Bean.

I don’t get that one, its like Fear Factor in this place.

I have to step lightly, I have a bad history for insulting my relatives on this damn blog.

Hopefully, I will not be chewed out too severely.

Lets all be forgiving, here. Live and let live.

I mean, we’ve all met before, how is any of this shit catching anyone off guard?

Oh well.

I have weathered this type of storm before.

If the hostilities don’t get cleared up within a few weeks, theres always Thanksgiving.

I do some of my best work on holidays that you are bound by tradition to attend.

Talk about a captive audience.

I have always been a decent pressure closer.



1 Comment

Posted by on June 7, 2012 in Uncategorized


One response to “Welcome to Tombstone.

  1. cr

    June 7, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    I dont have to go to Thanksgiving. I have in laws


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