If it smells/looks/tastes like crap…it is.

28 May

I remember when I was little, my mother would make me these amazing sandwiches.

And before you get all teary eyed and begin harping about “Made with love by Mommy” I have a point here.

I don’t think the delicious quotient is due to the maker, but the ingredients.

Everything was fresh.

The bread was baked no more than a few days before, mainly because it was

shy on preservative compared to today.

Add to that the fact that I grew up in a house with two older brothers, so bread never sat for long.

The Jelly was always from one of my great grandmother’s batches.

Hats off to an incredible generation loving, caring, tough as goddam nails women from which I am descended.

Peanut butter was always fresh for that same lack of preservative thing.

I would like to intrude on these lovely memories with a harsh dose of modern day.

I am in line at one of the most franchised and over-sold sandwich shops on the planet.

There is something wrong with being able to see your own reflection in the wet sliced ham sitting in the open air bin on the other side of the glass.

And if you are going to ask me if I was the damned thing toasted, pass that info along to whoever takes over during the toasting optional period because you are only throwing meats today.

Glad I got that off of my chest.

But seriously, I shouldn’t have to answer the toasted question 5 times in one visit.

And if the only English the sandwich maker speaks is to say “Welcome to -” when I walk thru the door, give her something to do in the back.

And thats not racist, that common business sense.

If the overwhelming majority of your customers in a given geographic area speak only English, it would behove you to hire people that speak that language.

To any and all arguments on this, bite me.

I am in a mood now.

And they toasted my sandwich against my will.

When I mentioned it to the cashier, she called the manager over, because she doesn’t speak English.

The manager offered to have the sandwich remade, but that would be a waste.

So I left.

Having your sandwich toasted when you don’t want it to be is like getting an excessive pat down by TSA.

Except that toasted bread is not covered by the Patriot Act.

I don’t think the excessive pat downs are a legitimate concern.

It always seems to be the guys that you get a definite closet Queen vibe from that claim they were “raped” by TSA.

You wanna talk rape, talk to any woman that has been raped, just to compare notes.

And if she shows restraint and doesn’t cut your balls off, I will be surprised.

Its like that whole waterboarding is torture argument.

You can claim its torture right up until you talk to someone that has actually been tortured.

Then, you should just feel embarrassment, at least you should if you were raised right.

Talk to John McCain about some toture, or Bob Dole.

These guys have been permanently disabled thru torture.

Let me climb of my soap box and back into the sandwich shop.

The sandwich was toasted shit on whole wheat.

But the cookie was good.



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Posted by on May 28, 2012 in Uncategorized


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