Salad is murder.

25 May

Vegetarians tend to be a whiny bunch.

And if you are a vegitarian, it is what it is.

You can’t help who you are, but it is annoying to the rest of us.

Well, let me take that back, you can help who you are and you choose to annoy the rest of us.

Mainly because you can rarely just let it go.

The whole meat thing, I mean.

Vegetarians come in different flavors of annoying.

There is the one who does not eat meat because “Meat is Murder.”

What a nifty slogan, think that up yourself?

Of course not.

My response to that is, so what.

Humans kill, its just our thing.

We kill millions of cows, chickens, pigs…etc everyday.

We have abortion.

People are killed in robberies, burglaries and wars everyday.

And when we can’t find anything to kill, we kill ourselves thru suicide.

So take your slogan and cram it up your ass, it makes no sense once examined.

And by the way?

A major university has released several papers detailing the electric pulse vegetable matter gives off when fruit is picked or harvested.

Thats right, it screams.

So to all the vegitarians out there, you are cowardly murderers, every one of you.

The second type of vegitarian tries to overwhelm you with sound bites.

Its healthier, they say.

Then why to most hard core vegitarians look sick.

They have a universal catch phrase for that argument.

“Its hard to get all the nutrients you need no matter what you eat.”

Yes, but if you ate meat, it would still be tough to get all of the nutrients you need, but it would taste better.

And even if you invest the time to slap down these arguments, they are more tenacious than Jehova Witnesses at 7am on a Sunday morning.

But they are much quicker to anger and will begin cursing easier.

Baiting them is like tesing slow children, it loses its thrill after the first 5 minutes, and from then on, its just mean.

This entire rant came about due to the vegitarian at the next table who decided to lecture me about my chicken fajitas at a restaurant.

“Do you know what was done to that poor chicken?” (The word poor was the red flag in that sentance.)

“Hell yes I know.” I tend to smile like a villian when I start this kind of behavior, it throws everyone off.

“From the smell of it, teriyaki marinade, and plenty of it.”

Wrong answer.

“That poor animal was kept in a cage so small it couldn’t move and had its beak cut off.”

To the vegitarians, this is the most horrible thing they can imagine.

While gruesome, it really doesn’t bother me.

I think chickens are great for eating, make horrible pets, and if they were not meant to be eaten, either the Almighty or evolution would have made them a little more deadly.

As it is, chickens are the victims of the animal kingdom.

However, this entire line of reasoning is lost on vegitarians, and would be lost on this one.

So I decide a little crazy will work.

I look her straight in the eyes and deliver the following line deadpan.

The “Fuck you” when she said it, took a full 5 minutes of silence before she got pissed enough to say it.

The line was as follows:

“I had a friend who got wasted in a Tiajana whorehouse and fucked a chicken in front of the whole bar. It was disgusting, but an awesome trip. He was the best man at my wedding. Have a swell day.”

A little wordy, but a great line.





Posted by on May 25, 2012 in Uncategorized


4 responses to “Salad is murder.

  1. MR

    May 25, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    I feel the same way about vegetarians as I do about religion…. that’s great for you but keep that shit to yourself. Don’t try to cram your beliefs and opinions down my throat. It’s just annoying. STOP IT! It’s like I told someone who wanted me to join LANDMARK FORUM, lead by example, if what you are doing is so awesome that I want to emulate you and I ask you what your secret is, then you can sell me your “secret” to life, but don’t keep asking me to go to this shit, I don’t need it nor am I interested in any of its beliefs. There!

    • MR

      May 25, 2012 at 12:46 pm

      Can you tell I feel a little strong about this subject?

      • Bittermac

        May 25, 2012 at 1:13 pm

        Ya think?

    • Bittermac

      May 25, 2012 at 1:13 pm

      Don’t be afraid to go off on them. Every now and then, its a good idea to pull the stick out of their ass and beat them senseless with it.


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