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Daisy Dukes of the living dead.

17 May

Back in the days before internet porn, Daisy Duke was the closest thing to sex on a stick this side of a Farrah Fawcett poster.

Those two women fueled the mastabatory fantasies of millions of teen boys.

Daisy Duke was on the Dukes of Hazard.

She was the one that put cut off jean shorts on the map.

So much so, they named the style after her.

However, someone sent me a current pic of Catherine Bach (Daisy Duke) awhile back.

Ouch.

I hate to say it, and my right hand may never forgive me, but that woman hit the wall like a racketball.

But why bring it up today, you ask?

Because there are daisy dukes in Starbucks.

We have had a few summer type days here and people may be over reacting.

Pace yourself folks, last year, late May was fairly chilly and I believe it even rained.

I mean, its a little early in the season to be breaking out your camel toe, don’t you think?

Now, not that the young miss in the daisy dukes doesn’t look stunning in them.

She does.

And I am all in favor of hot scanty cladness in Starbucks.

But now there is an image in my head of Catherine Bach modern day, wearing the daisy dukes of the living dead.

George Ramero (Zombie flick director) could not envision anything so gruesome.

And he has put zombie based crap in his films that goes so far beyond the traditional zombie genre it isn’t even funny.

Kind of the “Two girls, one cup” version of zombie films.

(How the hell did I slip 2G1C into the blog again? Sick, sick, sick.)

I try to avoid zombie films and Catherine Bach (Modern times) video when I can.

I have enough shit keeping me up at night.

Insomnia is a bitch.

Ambien is supposedly the cure.

For everyone but me, that is.

Might as well be snacking on tic tacs.

Nyquil doesn’t work well either.

Benadryl sometimes, but I have to be congested.

I have the metabolism of a wood chipper.

But with better table manners.

I have a cousin that can sit down, close his eyes and fall asleep in less than a minute.

That could be a form of narcolepsy, but I can’t prove it.

Some people are so picky about having medical tests run on them.

Perhaps we should spend a moment and lay down some daisy dukes etiquette rules.

I would really love to leave the decision to wear them to each individual, but some of you show questionable taste.

Maybe we should have a committee.

They can evaluate each individual ass for shape and presentation.

Finally, they will assign a number from one to ten.

6 and above, feel free to carve up your jeans.

5 or below? Get on the bus.

We can remove them from society before someone gets hurt.

I can’t help but think the ACLU might object.

They tend to get a little twitchy when you talk about herding people up and loading them on buses.

To sum up, be honest with yourself when it comes to wearing clothing that may not have suited you years ago when you were in better shape.

Because now?

Not so much.

 

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Posted by on May 17, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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