Buy some crap, won’t you?

15 May

A garage sale is a scary business.

For some people, it is a form of warfare and today is D-day.

For a fundraiser, someone suggested a garage sale.

My significant other is a warrior in that realm, it turns out.

Newspapers are notified, signs are made, knick knacks are prepared.

6am, Saturday morning.

It is on like donkey kong.

The masses arrive like their on a tight schedule, these people are ready for action.

And the next four hours are a blur.

I watched a three way sales argument between two customers and a salesman/referee that went on for twenty minutes.

It was like watching an illegal back-alley, bare-knuckle bout.

Brutal and yet, poetic.

And I realize about halfway thru, that although I love sales, this is not my war.

I retreat to the kitchen and begin eating cookies and watching thru the bay window.

Thoroughly defeated.

And yet, the garage sale is about as American as apple pie, which came from Kazakhstan, by the way.

A woman just bought a broken lamp, and she knows its broken.

But that didn’t stop her.

I often wonder why people don’t make the connection of the secret of garage sales and swap meets.

Its other peoples shit they don’t want.

So instead of throwing it away, they put it in the front yard and put a price on it.

So that someone else can buy it, take it home, and put it in their garage sale a few years from now.

Like a cyclical shit exchange program.

Like they say, what goes around, comes around.

Except that instead of rude behavior, they mean crappy stuff.

I know this, and I will still buy stuff at garage sales.

It would be neat to see what is in the garage sales in other countries.

Maybe even start a foreign crap exchange program.

We ship our crap there and they ship their crap here.

It will still be crap, but now its imported crap.

I even bought something from this garage sale.

And its my garage sale.

That is fairly pathetic.

I try not to think about it.

I went to my car to get something, and I noticed someone on the next block was having a garage sale.

So, like an alzheimer’s patient, like I don’t have my own garage sale going on a hundred feet away, I go over.

And I bought some of their crap.

And then I took it over to my garage sale, and put it up for sale.

This has got to stop.

And, like most things, it finally wound down and the people finally stopped coming.

The crap that didn’t sell was stored away.

The amount of money made was a little shocking.

Anytime you can hold off throwing crap out and sell it instead, bringing in just over $500, its a good day.

Someone suggested that it had done so well, we should do it again in a few weeks.

Someone shoot me first.



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Posted by on May 15, 2012 in Uncategorized


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