Breaking the ice.

06 Apr

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

That is the first words of A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.

Dickens blew chunks, as a general rule.

He had this really annoying habit of going into ridiculous amount of detail about crap that had little or nothing to do with the actual story.

His ADD was horrendous, from the looks of it, and he really needed a mainline of whatever passed for ritalin back when.

Probably opium.

Dickens is a torture device used by college professors to weed out the pikers and students who are not serious.

And it works well.

But, as an opening line, it was one of Dickens’ best, I will give him that.

With all the blogging, I have developed a newfound respect for a solid opening line.

Because opening lines can be obscure as hell, but they cut the ice and get your attention.

Which is the whole point.

Here is a quick half dozen of my favorites.

  • “Call me Ishmael.”
  • “The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel,”
  • “They shoot the white girl first.”
  • “He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish.” (Not a phenominal opening line, but this story hit me at just the right time and rocked my world.)
  • “It was a pleasure to burn.”
  • “To be born again,” sang Gibreel Farishta tumbling from the heavens, “first you have to die.”

But why all the emphasis on opening lines, you say?

Because the guy next to me has been mumbling opening lines for the last five minutes.

Its a little weird and a LOT creepy.

Every new woman that walks thru the door, he mumbles a bizarre opening line under his breath, just loud enough that I can hear it.

And the lines are the sort that will probably get you either tasered or maced, depending on the victim’s mood.

Here is the other half of the quick dozen lines from creepy boy.

  • “I’ll bet that coffee is not as hot as you.”
  • “How do you take your coffee? I take mine with viagra.”
  • “Can I lick the cup when you’re done with it?”
  • “If I follow you home, will you keep me?”
  • “You should see my OH face, its awesome.”

I was tempted to comment on each one, but they are all freakishly creepy.

I am starting to think he either figured I couldn’t hear him, or he was CERTAIN I was listening.

He’s a freak no matter what.

But if he was setting me up, he is even worse.

I hate being played.

I can think of 5 or 6 women I know that would light his ass up if they even caught a whiff of this guy’s game.

I have an affinity for alpha females and seem to find myself by a whole bunch of amazons.

Its a heady environment, let me tell you.

These are not women to be trifled with.

Every now and then, the news reports about a dead body found in the middle of nowhere.

What do you want to bet it all started with a creepy pick up line hurled at the wrong women?




Posted by on April 6, 2012 in Uncategorized


2 responses to “Breaking the ice.

  1. thomas camoin

    April 6, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    The damn firewall at my work has been blocking your blog for the last several fucking days!…How fucking annoying, maybe its all those swear words you use, I don’t know but I’ve had to go though ‘anonymouse’ to read the blog and this takes a few extra steps but its been (mostly) worth it. This is a rather long winded and strange compliment, but your blog is worth going the extra steps for. Keep up the good work!

    • Bittermac

      April 10, 2012 at 1:39 pm

      Thank. Sounds like you are breaking out of prison to read the blog.


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