Tax season is upon us.
Time for everyone to lose their mind.
Taxes scare the shit out of people.
Mainly because the IRS is a boogie man of gargantuan proportions.
Fictional monsters can do hideous things, but they aren’t real.
The IRS can do hideous things and they are as real as it gets.
In theory, there should be nothing to fear.
You have your employer take taxes out of your paycheck and that will pay the Feds off for another year.
Thats the theory, anyway.
However, there is a whole slew of things that can trip you up.
Things you never even heard of.
Fear of the IRS causes many people to seek out the help of a Tax Shaman, a numerical holy man know as a CPA.
Skilled in the tribal secrets of the IRS.
I don’t know how they do what they do, and I really don’t want to.
I am not sure if they commit sacrifices, roll the bones, play naked Johnny on the pony, its really none of my business.
But they make bank, even in a shitty economy so maybe they are on to something.
The Government, for their part, seem to relish the evil rep they have.
I never understood why, and then I realized that they are not in the business they are in to be loved.
Plus, I imagine being a feared entity makes it easier to get things done.
There also used to be the feeling that the Government was going to take those taxes and do good things with it.
Now? I am not so sure.
Who knows what goes on behind closed doors in Washington?
If the news reports are to be believed, I am certain various versions of Naked Johnny on the Pony, once again.
And the overwhelming majority of our elected officials are nasty to look at, much less imagine getting their freak on.
I threw up a little bit in my mouth just thinking about it.
Lets change the subject, shall we?
Back to taxes.
Back TO taxes, not back taxes.
Back taxes is when the IRS figures out that you screwed up in the past and didn’t pay enough.
And you have not seen overzealous prison rape activity like this before.
The IRS is insane at this point, and the things they can and will do make prison rape sound gentle.
But the nicest thing that can happen to you during tax season, is if the god’s are kind and you get a refund.
A refund is when you give the Government an interest free loan for the better part of a year, and they graciously give it back, without the interest of course.
Its close to when your parents save a little bit of money ever now and then for you, and then give it back unexpectedly.
It was money you didn’t have the opportunity to spend, like found money.
Its a good thing, just don’t think about it to much.
In the long run, the Government is a lot like a usefull 800 pound gorilla.
What it does, it does well, just don’t expect too much kindness out of it.
And it may suddenly turn on you without warning, and rip your head off.
Keeps it interesting, doesn’t it?
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