Keep that bitch on a leash!

26 Mar

A the first few days of spring.

Nothing like it.

Everyone expects really good weather and are bitterly disappointed.

But the animals begin to act differently.

Its instinctive, they don’t really have a choice.

But humans think that animals have the intellect to make basic primal decisions.

Like the lady currently freaking out on the strand because her female Terrier is currently locked up with a Pit Bull.

I would help, but far be it for me to interrupt two animals heady with the fever of spring.

Plus, dogs tend to snap and bit when you interrupt their screwing.

And I would first like to nominate both dog owners for the “Attaboy Shithead” award for not having their animals fixed.

But the lady seems to know nothing about dogs.

She seems to feel that shouting “Got off of her, right now!” and slapping her own thigh will get them apart.

The Pit Bull’s owner is not working nearly as hard for his shit head award.

Maybe he knows that, once locked up, the dogs are not coming apart till they’re done.

The Terrier owner is going for broke on the ignorance side.

“He’s raping my poor dog!” She is sobbing.

Rape is a human concept, not an animal one.

The bitch is in heat, the male can smell it.

From there, its as natural as it gets.

She is exactly the type to try and sue him for this.

Who knows, as screwed up as the courts are, she might win.

The crowd seems to be on the side of the Pit Bull owner, including two local homeless who seem to be cheering.

Ah, the police have arrived.

And, in a beautifully karmic turn of events, are writing the Terrier owner a ticket for not have her dog on a leash.

At least with the leash on, you can yank your dog back prior to mounting.

Clearly she is the party in the wrong here.

The dogs are fine,

The Pit Bull owner is fine.

The crowd is noisy and jovial.

The two homeless guys are having a grand ole time.

The Terrier seems to be enjoying herself. (Do dogs enjoy sex?)

However, the Terrier now has a bun in the oven, and the owner is going to be on the hook for that one.

Statistics show that, no matter how devoted to animals she might be, there is a better than 50% chance that she will dump the puppy in an empty lot sometime down the road.

Great, another future Facebook Status complete with picture.

“This is Molly, she is a Terrier-Pit Bull mix that needs a forever home.”

I don’t mean to make fun of that whole group, the dog rescuers, they have their place in all of this.

It’s an obsessive place, but a legitimate place, none the less.

Dogs are the new children.

There is an entire paper to be written on this whole dog/child replacement phenomenon, but I am not the one to write it.

The closest I can come is to paraphrase Forrest Gump.

“Obsessive is as obsessive does.”

Had more wisdom when Tom Hanks said it.



1 Comment

Posted by on March 26, 2012 in Uncategorized


One response to “Keep that bitch on a leash!

  1. LaVicki

    March 26, 2012 at 10:07 am

    First I thought this was the best comedic part I had read in a long time….
    And I would first like to nominate both dog owners for the “Attaboy Shithead” award for not having their animals fixed.”

    Then I read this…
    .“This is Molly, she is a Terrier-Pit Bull mix that needs a forever home.” spit coffee out of my nose and had to read it to Joey… who CHUCKLED!!

    You got a chuckle outta the vault!


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