The concept of swamp ass is nasty to consider, its one of the reasons I use it as a description on this blog.
Paints a picture and sets the mood, as it were.
So that even if you have never experienced it, you still know what I’m talking about.
But why mention it?
Because I am knee deep in it as we speak.
Panda Express is the epitome of American food.
It came from somewhere else, was assimilated, put on an assembly line and franchised.
As far as good Chinese food goes, its so so.
But, it can be made in quantity, and troweled out fast enough to feed the masses and make a dandy profit.
Its the American way.
The particular Panda Express I am in has been invaded.
And not by Ghengis Khan.
But by day care.
There is a woman sitting in the corner, surrounded by children.
7 of them.
They can’t all be her’s.
She’s too young and none of them look like her.
So we are going to go with the idea of day care for now.
And she has had a day of it, from the looks of her.
She doesn’t move, she just stares straight ahead.
Even when the little asian kid sitting next to her turns and screams in a high pitched voice about 2 inches from her ear.
She has that thousand yard stare that Vietnam Vets get from having seen too many hideous things.
She is like a burnt out Mary Poppins.
And Mary, mentally, has left the building.
I don’t care what they are paying her, no amount of money is worth this.
And these little buggers are in charge, no fear of pushing the shit storm envelope.
There are two little girls, evil ones from the malevolent glint in their eyes, are spitting single pieces of white rice at another little girl that is alternating between crying hysterically and screaming “STOP IT!” at the top of her lungs.
There is a little Asian kid, the screamer from before? That has decided that he is hungry, for everyone elses food.
He is pulling plates and trays his way, to sample them, spitting out what he doesn’t want.
There is two little boys, twins, that are wrestling on the floor, trying to kill each other.
And finally, there is a little girl, hair almost pure white, that is choking down her food like she hates it like poison, but is being forced to eat it.
I recognize this one from when my son was little.
The teary eyes, the bulging cheeks, and every now and then, a little dry heave to let you know how she feels.
Except that no one is forcing her to eat.
Glassy eyed Mary Poppins certainly isn’t.
Watching this entire little cherade go down has made me happy that my wife was a stay at home mom.
Nothing is worth this.
If these were my kids and I witnessed this, I would sue Mary Poppins, (provided they find her fit to stand trial), spank my kids and sue the parents of those other little bastards.
By the way, when you refer to someone elses child as “That little bastard” in front of them, they get pissy about it. Just saying.
I was always one of those parents that teachers dreaded.
I view it this way, my child is the most important part of the teachers day.
And if they forget that, I had no trouble reminding them.
And they turned out awesome.
So, until I have compelling evidence to the contrary, I was an awesome parent and have much wisdom to impart on others.
You would not believe how that pisses people off.
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