Get the Fat Lady off the stage, we’re not done here.

16 Mar

What a morning.

I just saw the female half of my favorite Evil Couple, and then saw a dog take a piss on the leg of a $5K suit.

There is a little bit of sun peeking out and the crowd at Starbucks is light for a Monday.

Holy shit.

If you keep your eyes open enough, lightning will strike twice.

Mr. Evil Couple.

Not 3 minutes ago, I heard his wife discussing their divorce on her cell.

No wonder she went in to Coffee Bean, she’s giving him the Starbucks in the divorce.

He is sitting near the cream and sugar kiosk, I recognize those surgical scrubs anywhere.

My mind is whirling the whole time I am getting my coffee.

I cream and sugar as calmly as I can, then slide into the open round table next to him.

He seems to be engrossed in his coffee and texting.

The next five minutes are somewhat confusing, until I figure out whats going on.

He texts, his phone vibrates loudly, he laughs softly, he texts again, his phone vibrates loudly, he mutters the word Fuck under his breath…etc.

This goes on for three of four repititions before I realize that he is texting with two different people.

There are so many questions I want to ask him, but, as I always do with the Evil Couple, I remind myself that they are not aware of the fact that I view their lives as my entertainment.

At least, thats what it used to be.

Now? I feel like I have a stake in all of this.

He finally puts his phone down in a final gesture, like he has signed out of both conversations.

I am dying.

He sighs loudly.

I go to take a sip of my coffee and, to my horror, realize that I am speaking to him.

He and I have seen each other in Starbucks for several years, to the point that we will nod good morning at each other.

“Your wife not joining you this morning?”

Oh, shit. What the hell am I doing?

It seems to snap him out of his thoughts.

He smiles an almost sad smile at me.

“No, she’s won’t be joining me.”

It occurs to me that the last time I saw him and her together, she pulled me into their argument and then crapped on me.

I am trying to be nonchalant.

“Oh? Sorry to hear.”

I pretend to be going thru email in a desperate attempt to seem like I am making idle chit chat.

“Yeah, well, we are separating.”

That pulls me away from my screen.

This is no longer chit chat.

“I am sorry to hear that. I am divorced myself, 4 years now.”

He looks at me with his head tilted slightly and I am reminded that this is a highly educated, experienced guy.

“Got any kids?”

His question caught me off guard. The last thing I imagined would be discussing divorce and kids with him.

“Two, live with their mom, in Portland, Oregon.”

“Long way to go.”

“Tell me about it.” Sometimes its even longer.

“Let me ask you something.” He sips at his coffee and leans in.

“Sure.” I think I am ready for anything.


He hesitates for a second, like he is trying to figure out how to phrase his question.

“Do you hate her?”

He completely understands that he is getting divorced, I know that much.

I think about the question, its a good one.

“I wanted to, especially in the beginning.”

He doesn’t say anything, so I continue.

“But I have two kids with her, and as long as they breath, I am kind of tied to her. So I guess the answer is, I can’t
allow myself to hate her.”

He nods and sips his coffee, leaning back in his seat.

His phone vibrates.

He looks at the screen and looks a little shocked.

Then he smiles.

“I gotta go.”

Without another word he is up and out of the Starbucks.

Was it her? Was it another woman? Did a patient die?

I see him take a left out of the door.

He is now moving in the direction of Coffee Bean.

The current location of a lot of really old people and his wife.

I know that his office is in the opposite direction.

I am done being nice about this.

I run out to the sidewalk and look up the block.

Just as he walks into the Coffee Bean.


I am not getting misty eyed over this, but God Dammit, thats the ending to a movie!

Staring Kevin Costner.

What a morning.





Posted by on March 16, 2012 in Uncategorized


5 responses to “Get the Fat Lady off the stage, we’re not done here.

  1. Carrie

    March 16, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Willy your a good guy. I’m gonna “try”not to take your advice too. But how do you not hate someone you know hates you.
    Yes I know I must be the better person. So I will try!!!!!

    • Bittermac

      March 16, 2012 at 9:26 am

      Because its not about you. Its about the kids. Let him be the ass, and the kids see nothing but consistent, fair and reasonable from you. It will drive the ex batshit. And THATS how you shit on him.

  2. MR

    March 16, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Nice one Willy. I mean that in a good way. Say just enough to get the innocent conversation going and maybe next time he might confide a little more to you…

  3. Rockstar

    March 16, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    You know what is really interesting about taking the high road? The other party tends to dig a deeper hole.

    • Bittermac

      March 17, 2012 at 10:22 am

      And if you manipulate them just right, you look like a frickin saint


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