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Bring on the nasty!

28 Feb

A car is not a lead lined vault.

We can see you.

So, if you are a cab driver completely grinding knuckle deep in your nose at a stop light, I can see you.

Welcome to my drive to work this morning.

Life have a way of just forcing incredibly gross images that stay with you for awhile.

But does the current image have to be a middle aged Armenian man tickling his brain with his index finger?

Whatever.

It was after I had just parked my car that I saw a woman pulling her underwear out of her butt thru her skirt.

And that is not hot.

I was just coming off of the escalator that I saw a guy on his cell phone blow a mid-sentance snot on his lip.

What the hell is going on today?

I am almost afraid to go any further, go knows what I will see.

But, odd days like this don’t come along everyday.

Life has decided to have an advance screening of the gross shit thats out there.

And I seem to have a front row seat.

The closest business to the underground parking bunker I park in is the Coffee Bean.

I have to.

I go thru the front door of the Coffee Bean and the smell of Ben Gay, soup, and coffee wafts out.

The main customer demographic is old at this time of the morning.

But I am on a mission this morning.

I am in line when the old guy in front of me farts.

Loud.

And doesn’t seem to hear it.

But the cashier flinches like she heard a gunshot.

And then the aroma hits.

That is SOOOO nasty!

Whatever else is waiting to be seen at Coffee Bean will have to wait.

The hang time on Methuselah’s air biscuit is incredible.

Something has fermented in his ass, I am sure of it.

I leave Coffee Bean like a man making a jailbreak.

Full steam ahead and no looking back.

There are a few breakfast places that become sport bars in the evenings along the way to Starbuck’s.

As I pass one of the breakfast places, a little kid, 7 or so, throws up onto his plate of breakfast.

Mom all but does a prat fall across the table in her efforts to clean it up before it spills over onto the little boy’s clothes.

As I walk, I am wondering what has primed the grossness pump today.

No clue.

Much like a carnival ride that is a little too intense, I am already strapped in and there is nothing to do but knuckle down and ride it out.

As I am walking up to my usual Starbucks, a great dane with his leash wrapped around the newsstand is taking a huge dump.

Two little girls are howling from their stroller as mom pushes them by.

I head in.

As I stand in line I realize that in the last ten minutes, my as has gone into such a tight clench, that I am almost walking with a limp.

The line moves slowly and I am braced for anything.

And nothing happens.

Figures.

Nasty shit in life never happens when you are ready for it.

And that is the way of things.

 

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Posted by on February 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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