Wait your turn, shithead!

27 Feb

I am not at my best waiting in line.

I get impatient if I don’t have something to read.

However, the Iphone helps.

But, there is nothing ruder than someone who gets over the top, dramatically impatient in line.

Pull the stick out of your ass, and wait your turn.

Its a Starbucks at 8am in the morning, what were you expecting?

I try not to get annoyed, I try to get even, for my own childish purposes.

At the worst, annoying strangers in line could get me hit.

But I have been hit, by people who now how, it loses its shine in the long run.

“Oh my GOD!” Hisses from behind me with such over exaggeration that it is pathetic to hear.

A casual look over my shoulder confirms what I had already surmised.

There is an asshole behind me in line.

I am saying that and I AM an asshole.

Its easy to recognize the breed.

But, how much of an asshole is he?

Lets play with him and find out.

The first step is to act like I am so engrossed in texting, that I don’t realize that the line has moved forward.

As the line moves on without us, I can see his agitation level rising out of the corner of my eye.


He begins by clearing his throat.

I am hit with sudden inspiration.

I turn to face him without looking up.

“Bless you.” I say loud and clear.

The beauty of saying something that makes no sense or a little crazy is something I am really a believer in.

It works really well with the Homeless as well.

Turning back, I close half the distance to the line ahead as a gesture of friendship.

Which is totally lost on him.

The sighing is so desperate and sad that I have to bite my lip to stifle myself from giggling out loud.

Christmas come early.

By definition, I am being a complete ass, but this is too much fun.

The line moves a little more, and I become totally engrossed in the yogurt parfaits.

The second the cashier opens up, he has had enough.

“Do you mind if I go ahead of you?!”

Crazy talk has been good to me lately.

I look at him with a very sincere look on my face as I slide in from of the cashier.

“I am a US citizen, sir. My father fought in the war.”

I then proceed to order a very long drawn out coffee order. 9 steps in all.

Then cancel it.

I do this twice more before ordering just hot water for my Starbucks Via instant.

By now, the cashier is on to me and smiling.

The jig is up.

Time to take my ball and go home.

Or at least my table.

As he gets his coffee and leaves, glaring at me one more time, I salute him with my coffee mug.

“Have a great day, shithead!”

I swear, I kill me.




Posted by on February 27, 2012 in Uncategorized


2 responses to “Wait your turn, shithead!

  1. thomas camoin

    February 27, 2012 at 8:28 am

    That was one of the best ones yet! It made my morning.

    • Bittermac

      February 27, 2012 at 8:38 am

      Every now and then, the planets align into what we call the “Asshole Configuration.”


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