Raise your damn kid, Lady!

24 Feb

I don’t like other peoples kids.

We all know this.

And then Katelynn came into my life.

I am in my favorite Starbucks, in my favorite seat, sipping my addiction.


The crowd is mellow, the yoga mom’s are a nice majority of hotness, and the business folk are interesting enough.

And Katelynn and mom arrived.

And all hell broke loose.

Nothing lights up the morning crowd like a 5 year old girl with coke bottle glasses and a small plastic helmet running thru the room screaming

and running into several people.

Got some lungs on her.

And mom is cresting 50 and is not aging well.

She has the look of a mouthy PTA frau that would have meetings about picking up the kids at school.

In other words, the shine is off motherhood.

Katelynn reached the back wall and took off for the front door.

Passing mom on her way.

Can you see it coming?

She doesn’t slow as she gets to the front door and plows into it.

I am shocked she didn’t go right thru the glass, but she doesn’t have enough mass.

She caroms off of the door and hits the ground.

The helmet is making a lot of sense.

Mom doesn’t miss a beat in her conversation with her friend.

Katelynn cries a bit quietly, which seems odd because she had been screaming a few seconds ago.

Mom has a trio of Manhattan money frau’s with her.

And the discussion is hot and heavy and certainly does not include Katelynn.

I watch a total stranger wipe Katelynn’s little crying eyes.

This is a God damned Greek tragedy.

Mom gets her coffee and the MMF’s move to the big table.

MMF is Manhattan Money Frau’s.

And yes, its meant to be insulting.

Back to Katelynn and her brain dead mother and the MMF’s.

Katelynn, I have no issue with, she is adorable.

She’s like a little comet, bouncing off of the walls.

Mom? I am at a loss for words.

The epitome of the MMF.

She waited too long to have kids, so she is too old to do it properly.

She is tired.

More than that, she has too much shit on her agenda that she is unwilling to give up in order to make her kid the spotlight of her life.

Because thats how it’s supposed to be.

Plus, Katelynn needs the attention.

With mom and the MMF’s in place at the table, Mom continues her conversation as one of the MMF’s gets Katelynn settled in place with her own seat.

She also gets her some water that she asked Mom for a while she was in line.

Also, it seems that Katelynn learned to count to ten recently.

I know this because she hoped out of her chair and began collecting coffee bean bags.

She laid them out on the table and counted them about a dozen times.

When she told mom, mom did not notice.

And the fun began.

“mommy, Mommy, MOmmy, MOMmy, MOMMy, MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!”

The child was shrieking when Mom snapped at her.

“What, Katelynn?” Complete with rolling eyes.

I know I have pissed and moaned about karma not pulling its own weight.

Except for this moment.

Mom moved wrong and dumped her Venti Chai Latte, 6 pump, half caff, soy, no foam, extra hot, waterless cup right in her lap.

You caught the extra hot part right?

The only flaw in the whole perfection of the moment was when she shot out of her chair and I exploded with laughter.

So I’m an ass, sue me.

And she probably would.



1 Comment

Posted by on February 24, 2012 in Uncategorized


One response to “Raise your damn kid, Lady!

  1. MR

    February 24, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Dammit Willy I need photos!!! I’m just saying it would help. Thank you for posting your funny experiences with the rest of us.


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