Nobody beats their kids anymore.
And the world is worse off.
But before you all send me the emails that are all in caps, let me explain.
Some kids need beating.
You’re God damn right I said it.
When I was a little kid, I was a rotten shit, and my mother used to beat my ass daily.
Lord knows I had it coming.
Now, before you make your inexperienced, saw it on Oprah, judgements, consider this.
I have never been in jail, I rarely drink, and other than main lining caffeine, I do no drugs, and I have never had to explain my arguments with the ex wife to a policeman pointing to a bruise on her neck.
So maybe mom was on to something.
But before anyone takes this as a cart blanche to start swinging, lets clarify.
Discipline belongs in child rearing only if you are smarter than the child.
Because stupid beating causes stupid kids.
And before you argue this point, consider this.
If you were beaten and it did nothing and left you with hideous baggage for life, that falls back to your parents.
There seems to be a fine art to beating your kids.
Its like hitting a golf ball.
There are times you break out the 1 wood and swing as hard as you can.
And then there are times you use the putter and just tap it in.
My mother was the Tiger Woods of her day.
Just the right amount of force.
But then, she played a lot.
My father, was a master of the game.
He spanked me twice, count em twice, in my entire life.
And damn if it didn’t stay with me for life.
I once had a teacher rip me out of my desk and toss me into the wall, slapping my face as I bounced off of it.
And he turned out to be the finest teacher I have ever had.
Phenomenal man. Taught me more about the English language than all of grade school, high school and college.
He walked thru the door, raised the expectation bar to the ceiling and whipped us like animals in order to achieve perfection.
Just don’t get caught sleeping in his class.
That method of teaching would not fly today.
It actually didn’t fly then either.
In a very heated exchange, my beloved mother threatened to cut his balls off if he laid a finger on me again.
Oddly enough, they were both moving towards the same goal.
One of my favorite subjects.
As a disclaimer, let me say that beating your kids is wrong, in a legal sense.
But, if you are confused, ask your grandmother.
She might only smack you on the back of the head.
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