Beat your kids!

17 Feb

Nobody beats their kids anymore.

And the world is worse off.

But before you all send me the emails that are all in caps, let me explain.

Some kids need beating.

You’re God damn right I said it.

When I was a little kid, I was a rotten shit, and my mother used to beat my ass daily.

Lord knows I had it coming.

Now, before you make your inexperienced, saw it on Oprah, judgements, consider this.

I have never been in jail, I rarely drink, and other than main lining caffeine, I do no drugs, and I have never had to explain my arguments with the ex wife to a policeman pointing to a bruise on her neck.

So maybe mom was on to something.

But before anyone takes this as a cart blanche to start swinging, lets clarify.

Discipline belongs in child rearing only if you are smarter than the child.

Because stupid beating causes stupid kids.

And before you argue this point, consider this.

If you were beaten and it did nothing and left you with hideous baggage for life, that falls back to your parents.


There seems to be a fine art to beating your kids.

Its like hitting a golf ball.

There are times you break out the 1 wood and swing as hard as you can.

And then there are times you use the putter and just tap it in.

My mother was the Tiger Woods of her day.

Just the right amount of force.

But then, she played a lot.

My father, was a master of the game.

He spanked me twice, count em twice, in my entire life.

And damn if it didn’t stay with me for life.

I once had a teacher rip me out of my desk and toss me into the wall, slapping my face as I bounced off of it.

And he turned out to be the finest teacher I have ever had.

Phenomenal man. Taught me more about the English language than all of grade school, high school and college.

He walked thru the door, raised the expectation bar to the ceiling and whipped us like animals in order to achieve perfection.

Just don’t get caught sleeping in his class.

That method of teaching would not fly today.

It actually didn’t fly then either.

In a very heated exchange, my beloved mother threatened to cut his balls off if he laid a finger on me again.

Oddly enough, they were both moving towards the same goal.


One of my favorite subjects.

As a disclaimer, let me say that beating your kids is wrong, in a legal sense.

But, if you are confused, ask your grandmother.

She might only smack you on the back of the head.




Posted by on February 17, 2012 in Uncategorized


16 responses to “Beat your kids!

  1. Diane mcKinley

    February 17, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Will, trying to just catch you as a child was akin to catching the wind. God knows I tried daily to swat your rear (always with good reason,) and seldom succeeded. Must have been my effort that impressed your memory. Love you.

    • Bittermac

      February 17, 2012 at 8:11 am

      Your memory is fading. You caught me regular. However, it worked. All good.

    • LaVicki

      February 17, 2012 at 9:39 am

      I just wished you would’ve caught him a few more times!!!

      • Bittermac

        February 17, 2012 at 2:45 pm

        Hmmm, a lament that my mother didn’t beat me more. Interesting.

    • Bittermac

      February 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm

      You were an awesome mother.

  2. Beach Mom

    February 17, 2012 at 8:06 am

    I have to agree with you. Not all children respond to time outs or taking things away from them. A parent should not spank a child while they are angry at the child or with objects such as belts or wooden spoons. Punishment should match the child and what they have done.

    • Bittermac

      February 17, 2012 at 8:13 am

      I find your comment about wooden spoons to be a racial insult to the Italian people. How dare you.

      • Beach Mom

        February 17, 2012 at 9:30 am

        Not intended that way at all. I pulled it from my childhood and the objects used on us kids.

  3. MR

    February 17, 2012 at 9:34 am

    I agree with you Will. There are times when a child will only respond to the threat of a good swat on the tush. I can saw that both kids had a couple of times when they needed it to get the point across clearly that we meant business. It did not leave them scarred in the least. They are both great kids and I am all for giving a swat when it is called for.

    • Bittermac

      February 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm

      You should beat the boy more often. Just saying.

  4. Jonathan Negus

    February 17, 2012 at 9:53 am

    The trick as a parent is to find the most effective, least damaging form of discipline as relatives to the individual child. This varies from kid to kid whats effective for one being least effective for the other. The threat method involves finding that thing the child holds most dear ( video games etc) and threatening to take it away. This method requires constant updating as your child’s passions change. The same applies for the occasional swat. Some kids absolutely need to fear you physically to keep them honest. Anything other than a single open handed swat to the bottom, however ,treads on dangerous territory. Other kids would truly be scarred. Any caring parent knows the difference. In my case Ethan (who is projected to be near 6’4″ by 18 yo) needs to fear me..I see him eyeing me…taking stock…biding his time. And when that time comes he will remember the times I lifted him over my head – …and that should buy me just enough time to run 🙂

    • Bittermac

      February 17, 2012 at 2:44 pm

      Tasers are effective as well.

      • Tranny Hooker

        February 28, 2012 at 12:55 pm

        Tasers?!?….you are hilarious, BitterMac! I completely agree with you. My parents had me so well trained that all they had to do was shoot me that certain “look”, and I knew I had to stopt doing what I was doing. But I learned that the hard way. Now, I am extremely grateful for the way they raised me. I am the best tranny hooker in town, and I owe it all to my parents!

        Most kids nowadays have no respect for anyone and are spoiled rotten. They learn, at an early age, that they can do whatever they want because they suffer no consequences.

        ps How I’ve missed you! It’s this stupid higher-education-thingy that keeps me away from you. Once I graduate, I will devote all my free time to you! 🙂

      • Bittermac

        February 28, 2012 at 1:00 pm

        My God, I have missed you.

  5. RQD

    February 17, 2012 at 11:50 am

    I remember that teacher well. I think we are all better off for having had him.

    • Bittermac

      February 17, 2012 at 2:44 pm

      He was amazing.


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