Grow some balls!

18 Jan

“Grow some balls, Marvin.”

I am a sucker for that type of phrase, especially when it is hissed into a cell phone by an angry woman.

What a bitch.

Poor Marvin.

I am sitting in a Starbucks that I have never blogged in before, but it is near my house.

I am a little surprised its busy.

I am also trying to figure out what poor Marvin could have done to piss this woman off, but she is reading him the riot act.

Lets call her Total Bitch.

Total Bitch, it seems, is pissed for more than one reason.

Surprise, surprise.

Marvin, rotten bastard that he is, refuses to take her birthday off of work, evidently because his boss frowns on it.

Don’t fuck with the man’s job.

The second reason she is pissed is because, “You always do this, Marvin!”

Why does he stay with this hag?


A man with a stainless steel hook has just sat down at the table next to me.

He has another old guy with him, from the sounds of it, an old friend.

They are from that great generation of men who used to sit in a bar with a friend and talk about life, now they do it in a coffee shop.

I am a tolerant person, but the hook is pretty creepy.

Got a serious hook creep going on.

I could be wrong, but I think the guy with the hook just said he has 8 kids.

What woman would sit still with that hook long enough to have sex.

Probably too scared to say no.

Just sits there, locked in the basement, chained to the bed, sitting in her own urine, waiting for him to come home.

Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me?

I feel really bad.

The guy is probably a vet.

Gave his all, just short of his life, for his country and I am mocking him.

What an asshole I am.

Ok, so I don’t feel bad about it, but I recognize that I should.

And thats as good as it gets.

Its enough just to recognize that I should feel bad.

At least, for me, it is.

Other people have differing opinions.

I know people who are still waiting for me to apologize from high school.


Welcome back, Total Bitch.

It seems that the argument with Marvin has escalated.

He has apparently grown some balls, but not in the way she wanted.

He stood up to her.

Good for you, Marvin.

Careful what you wish for, bitch.

An interesting point to note is that the only people not on edge and looking furtively around are the two old guys and me.

Me, because I am not part of her anger, only a witness.

In my twisted head, that makes me like an un-smashable fly on the wall.

And the two old guys are a little too seasoned to be startled by an angry young woman.


There is a palpable uncomfortable shit-angst hanging over the room.

And I have the giggles.


I am killing the moment, but I can’t stop.

Total Bitch is glaring at me.

The old guys are looking at me in amusement.

Total Bitch snatches up her things and officially walks off in what is described as a “Snit”.

Life returns to normal and the barrista stops whispering.

And the old guys go back to sipping their coffee and talking about their families.

Cool old dudes.

Now I wish I had a hook.



Posted by on January 18, 2012 in Uncategorized


3 responses to “Grow some balls!

  1. LaVicki

    January 18, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    you do have a hook.. its called HEY I WRITE A BLOG ABOUT INTERESTING PEOPLE IN STARBUCKS.. can I sit and chat with you… THAT my friend is your HOOK!

    • Bittermac

      January 19, 2012 at 9:38 am

      That is not a hook, that is mental vomiting in print.

  2. Heather

    June 13, 2015 at 9:31 am

    Love this..very funny! 😂😂😂


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