Cause I’ll cut a bitch.

13 Dec

“I don’t give a shit, I’ll cut a bitch!”

Thats the cashier at Starbucks talking.


Its night and I am at a different Starbucks.

Its the one on the verge of a really bad area in LA.

Different crew works here.

A little rougher around the edges than the Manhattan Beach crew.

The cashier, a delightful young lady with pencil thin eyebrows and tattoos on her hands,

is entertaining the barrista with a story about a party she was at last night.

Here is a little taste:

“And she’s like all, what?”

“And I’m like, hey, don’t talk to me like you know me.”

“And she’s like, haha.”

“She don’t know, cause I’ll cut a bitch.”

Awesome, I’m sure your parents are beaming with pride as we speak.

Their baby girl that they raised, educated, and took to church every Sunday. Did their best to imbue all of the elements of proper living.

Like knowing when and how to “Cut a bitch”.

The story moves on to her description of her boyfriend got too wasted on something that sounded like “Booley” and getting arrested.

Not sure what “booley” is.

I have Googled it with no luck.

All of this has me uneasy to the point that I have been staring at my coffee for a few minutes without drinking it.

Not sure why, could be important.

I decide to drink it to hide my laughter at another comment from the cashier.

The party last night, the one that she almost “Cut a bitch” at and her boyfriend got so wasted that he later got arrested?

It was her engagement party.

Of course it was.

And can you blame him?

If I found myself at a party and had just gotten engaged to this little slice of hand-tattooed heaven, I might be so inclined as to tie one on.

Maybe even try some “Booley”.

Straight up with a twist.

I weep for the future.

A tourist couple comes in.

I know they are tourists, because they are dressed out of place for the area.

Also, they are speaking German.

The woman is wearing a white down parka. She orders a simple Latte and a blueberry scone.

The man is in a black fabric jacket and a black turtleneck.

He pays with cash, another sure sign they are tourists, you never want to use your credit card in a foreign country.

The cashier takes their order in an almost subdued manner.

The now awkwardly quiet cashier seems almost subdued, which doesn’t seem right.

Don’t the tourists know she will cut a bitch?

Although you would not know it by the odd silence from behind the counter.

Odd because there is silence.

The couple chat quietly and get their drinks then leave.

The second the door closes and they are gone, the cashier leans over to the barrista and stage whispers loudly.

“What a bitch.”

Thats my girl.

Welcome to Starbucks.


Posted by on December 13, 2011 in Uncategorized


7 responses to “Cause I’ll cut a bitch.

  1. CR

    December 13, 2011 at 9:10 am

    imbue? I’m a simple man Will. Please try not to impress me with your vacabulary. Once a salesman always a salesman.

    • Bittermac

      December 13, 2011 at 9:55 am

      A salesman with a serious vocabulary, you ignorant oaf! Bite me! Merry Christmas!

  2. LaVicki

    December 13, 2011 at 9:22 am

    I know… I am a SMART woman and I STILL had to look it up!!!!!!!!!

    • Bittermac

      December 13, 2011 at 9:54 am

      I am quite a genius. Eat it, bitches!

  3. Ed

    December 13, 2011 at 11:13 am

    Just to show some Christmas spirit:

    I enjoyed this one … immensely … so much so that this will be your first blog entry that I am going to share on FB. I couldn’t help but laugh because I am pretty sure I have been served by that cashier … or at least her twin.

  4. Dale

    December 14, 2011 at 6:01 am

    Thing is that that only people who know what Imbue means have played way too much Dungeons and Dragons. I know because I have.

    • Bittermac

      December 14, 2011 at 1:14 pm

      Never be ashamed of having a well educated vocabulary. (And I played D&D for years.)


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