Tard research

06 Dec

Every now and then, wisdom of the world just comes to me like a vision.

Which is more often viewed by those around me as just me being an asshole.

However, in his own house a prophet is without honor.

How fitting.

On to the wisdom.

Here goes.

Most peoples kids are stupid and annoying.

Just saying.

Annoying is a symptom of stupid, so lets focus on the stupid.

I realize that everyone thinks their kids are beautiful and little geniuses.

No. Sorry, but no.

Like George Carlin said, even those parents that say “But not my kids-”

Yes, your kids too.

And thats ok.

To quote someone, and I have no clue who:

The world needs ditch diggers too.

Do they still pay people to do that?

And, if their family has money, even a rock can get passing grades in any name university.

Its a given.

Anyway, I think the youth of today are being shoved into the Tard zone, and I don’t think its their fault.

It might be, I mean, genetics are a rotten bitch that can paint you into a corner in a New York minute.

But, what about at the environment of the stupid?

Let me paint you a picture.

The game is called “Doggy Doo Game”.

It consists of a plastic wiener dog on a leash. The handle of the leash has a pump in it.

Roll the dice.

Pump the leash and when there is enough pumps, poop comes out of its butt.

I shit you not.

I can see now why our schools are having issues with test scores.

We are raising a nation of morons.

If you buy your child this game, I have no sympathy for you when he is in his thirties, still living at home, playing the Doggy Doo Game and

listening to garbage pop/rap music, right until you drive them to their job bagging fries at McDonald’s because they can’t be cashier anymore due to that whole misunderstanding with the roll of quarters thing.

The games you play as a kid have to influence the way you view life.

For instance, I have done exhaustive research and have found that most strippers played with barbies when they were little.

Any research that involves a stack of ones and a strip club is solid science, by the way.

And while we’re on the subject, what is up with the glitter?

There is not a stripper working today that is not at least lightly covered in glitter.

I have no personal knowledge, but I hear things.

I would make a comment about clear heels, but there are two problems with that.

First, I think they are hot.

Second. I forget now. It might have been something about them being distracting, I don’t know.

What was I talking about?

Ah, uneducated kids and strippers.

And for the most part, uneducated kids either become strippers or give them their money.

Makes me wish I had finished my degree.

Maybe I need to look into going back to school.

Ironic or prophetic?

Take your pick.


Posted by on December 6, 2011 in Uncategorized


6 responses to “Tard research

  1. Vicki

    December 6, 2011 at 8:02 am

    thank GOD my child never played with barbies!

    • Bittermac

      December 6, 2011 at 8:13 am

      And yet, since all strippers only do it to pay for college, you would think that they would do better in school with all that dedication.

  2. Proud American

    December 6, 2011 at 9:12 am

    OMG my boyfriend and I said the same thing about that doggy doo game when we saw it!!! how funny.

    • Bittermac

      December 6, 2011 at 9:39 am

      Its a game about a dog taking a shit. I was stunned.

  3. Betteroff

    December 6, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Oh shit I’m in trouble Ciara had them all along with the dream house, host of autos and a pool I believe. Oh and Will two of the boys girl friends are now swing da pole! Not sure if its a Engelstad thing or? Call for web sites ? Kinda kidding ! Merry Xmas to all !

    • Bittermac

      December 6, 2011 at 7:37 pm

      The die is cast, you are screwed.


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