There is an old adage that says you should always begin with a joke.
A woman walks into a bar with a hog on a leash. The bartender says, “Get the pig out of here!” The woman says “He’s a hog, not a pig.” The bartender says, “I’m talking to the hog.”
Now that half of those reading are pissed off, lets begin.
I have been percolating on something for a few days.
And while they say a watched pot never boils, but what if it is the intensity of your stare that will make it boil?
In a nutshell, I am pissed off.
When you go out to see old friends, you have a tendency to let your guard down and “let it all hang out” so to speak.
Some personalities thrive in this environment.
I am one of them.
Loud, noisy, lots of laughing, a couple of drinks, and I am happy as a pig in shit.
I do not, however, think of myself as a drunken piece of trash.
I write a sometimes vulgar blog.
But please don’t assume that every thought word and deed is like the blog.
There was, in my opinion, a personality there that seemed to be there, and I could be wrong, to prove to them-self what a scumbag I am.
That I am the blog.
That really annoying way of laughing at your jokes that tells you they obviously did not think it was funny.
I felt like any of my long time female friends that I talked to were viewed as my trying to screw them at the table.
It was like having dinner with one of your grandmother’s friends from church.
An old school church lady.
And was just about as uncomfortable.
But, being a gentleman, I was polite.
But I am not there, I am here now.
First off, bite me.
Second off, and I mean this in all sincerity, sweetie, I am a grown fucking man who you are not engaged to, related to, or dating.
So bite my ass.
Not on the outer cheek, get in there and lock your jaws.
I am not writing this blog, or living in this world for that matter, to seek the approval of anyone other than those I choose.
So at the end of all of this, here we are.
And you have so disappointed me.
The whole point of a humor blog is that it is not something you hear or see everywhere or everyday.
Take what you can from it, either humor, wisdom, or revulsion.
And then, let it go.
If it truly offends you, DON’T READ IT ANYMORE!
Sincerely, no one is forcing you to be here.
I would rather have a small audience of people who get it and intellectually know what to do with it, than a larger group who try to niche it to fit into a box that it doesn’t fit in.
So, take your box and cram it up your own ass.
And THAT is meant to be filthy as hell.
On a side note, I just read this to my girlfriend.
Her first comment, “Who pissed in your Wheaties?”
And I do think thats funny.