Vampire versus Werewolf

30 Nov

I was in a line of about 6 people when the werewolf came in.

He stood behind the vampire that was immediately behind me.

Keep reading, I promise you this will make sense in the end.

The werewolf first attacked after a brief silence.

The vampire was not having it, and stopped his moves immediately.

The werewolf didn’t hesitate, but began being more subtle in his attacks.

The Vampire almost acted like she hadn’t been attacked just a second before, and began to mildly return the attack.

It was pretty obvious to me that she didn’t have as much interest in attacking him as he was her.

A shift in the mood of the Starbucks began to make some of the others in line fidget a little.

The vampire suddenly screeched at the something the werewolf had done.

The werewolf roared in reply, and began attacking even harder.

Normally I don’t care what goes on in line, unless I find it good to blog about.

But today, this was really bugging me.

I looked over my shoulder in annoyance.

You see, this isn’t the first time I have seen this particular werewolf attacking a Vampire in line at Starbucks.

If this makes no sense to you, try the following:

Replace the word werewolf with the phrase business guy.

Replace vampire with girl in yoga pants.

Replace attacking with hitting on.

And replace the words screeched and roared with laughed.

This might seem like a stupid trick to pull, but let me ask you this.

Which one is more fun as a story?

Ok, so maybe I need to get over the Twilight movie.

Dumb premise, but I am half way thru, stay with me, I will get us thru this, I swear.

I take another look at the Vampire and the werewolf.

The werewolf is, in reality, a chubby suited guy who is thinning on top.

The vampire is kind of a mousy blonde who looks like a receptionist in a boring office.

I really think I am doing them both a favor with the whole “werewolf vs. vampire” thing.

I think we would all be something different if we could be.

The question is, can you change how you feel about your life, without destroying it in the process?

That would be interesting.

I always wanted to be a writer.

Guess what.

I am.

Now I just have to figure out how to pull it all together.

And, as usual, whenever I need inspiration, Starbucks provides like manna from heaven.

The vampire, it seems, has decided to rip the werewolves throat out.

Ok, so this translates into her saying that she doesn’t date guys a lot older than herself.

Its almost as good.

He is about 5 years older than her at best, but her comment says, quite plainly, you look like an old fart and I would NEVER sleep with you.

It is really a crappy smack down. He deserves it, but its hard to watch.

This would be the point that I would get really shitty and loud.

I can out-embarrass anyone.

But there are few things that can totally de-ball and emasculate a guy quicker than a woman who is sick of your shit.

Lesson learned.


Posted by on November 30, 2011 in Uncategorized


3 responses to “Vampire versus Werewolf

  1. Vicki

    November 30, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    wow… this one I needed my thinking cap on for…. I slept for 19 hours yesterday/last night and I STILL had a hard time… but I got it in the end…. The vampire I just started calling the VAMP (that helped me remember she was the girl) and the wolf was the dog…. fits perfectly in my mind… kinda odd we can think alike….

    • Bittermac

      November 30, 2011 at 8:53 pm

      This blog was three different things at different points during the writing. It was a fun read, but I still don’t think I got to where I was going.

  2. Donald J. McWilliams

    March 14, 2014 at 7:52 pm

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