So healthy it might kill you.

29 Nov

Cranberry Bliss Bar.


I can feel the heart attack coming.

The mix of foods in Starbucks is an interesting mix of “Hey, we’re a healthy place.” and that McDonald’s line of “You are that stupid, of course its healthy.”

99% of everything in the pastry case will send you into a diabetic coma under the right conditions.

And yet, in the open refrigerator case below, they take a wild stab at the health thing.

They have some box meals that are good for you, with chocolate and vanilla milk next to them.

It give the illusion of healthy, right up until you look at the nutritional facts and find out that the milk, if you can call it that, has an unnaturally high sugar content.

More of a non-carbonated creamy soda.

This observation made the cashier at my local Starbucks snort loudly, and then the manager got involved and we debated health food for awhile.

Then she realized that I was just debating for my own amusement and found something else to do.

And trust me, there is a fine art to walking away from someone that it talking to you without being offensive.

I have certainly never mastered it, but then, I quit worrying about offending people a long time ago.

If you want to make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs.

Or maybe just make them cry. By the way, I have nothing against eggs personally.

I decided to get some perspective on the health offerings at Starbucks from an expert of the doings at Starbucks.

Garrett the homeless guy.

(Quick recap- Garrett the homeless guy sits on the corner all day and argues with himself about the environmental policies of the major coffee coffee houses. I had thought he was dead at one point, but he was just rehabbing for a few weeks in North Dakota. I like to take him to breakfast at the bagel place simply because it really twists up the clientele there. Plus, he is a nice guy. A little crazy, but nice.)

Garrett gets his morning coffee at Starbucks. He always has a gift card, because people buy them for him. I get the feeling that its that “I want to help, but if I give you money, I am afraid you will buy drugs with it” type of thing. (They are right, he will.)

“The protein box is good.”

They all look pretty good and healthy. Hard boiled eggs, meats, cheeses, breads. All in a nice little container.

Garrett assures me that the box snaps closed tight enough to keep the food good for a day.

And he would know.

They are also expensive as hell.

If you took the money you would spend to buy 5 of them, and bought the individual items at a farmers market, you could make 20 of them.

Its the convenience and the name you pay for.

This was Garrett’s observation. He also pointed out that the Farmer’s market will not take the Starbucks card.

The old lady behind us clears her throat real loud to let us know the cashier is open and we’re next.

Garrett grabs an apple and a banana.

“Is that all guys?

Garrett surveys the menu.

“Salted Caramel Latte.”

I laugh.

Garrett is homeless, but he is a Manhattan Beach homeless.

In the homeless world, he is a 1%er.


Posted by on November 29, 2011 in Uncategorized


2 responses to “So healthy it might kill you.

  1. Vicki

    November 30, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    I want to come and take Garrett out to breakfast one day soon… do you think he will like me?

    • Bittermac

      November 30, 2011 at 8:55 pm

      He doesn’t really talk to people. It took me months to get him used to me.


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