Here is why I hate the Twilight movies.
There is a joke that goes like this:
Why are the Twilight movies like soccer?
Because there is a lot of action and everyone runs around for two hours and in the end? Nobody scores.
And I really think this is funny. Mainly because it is.
And much like a soccer game, there is a lot of people that get so much more excited than it really deserves.
Soccer has never caught fire in the US like it has in the rest of the world.
Because it sucks.
There are some issue with Twilight.
Robert Pattinson looks dorky all pale. He looked a lot better as Cedric in the Harry Potter flick.
Oh, yes. I speak the lingo.
Ok, enough with the geek and chick flicks.
I like them both, sue me. And pray to God your lawyer is as good as mine. He is soul less to the point that he could be in Twilight as both a soul less vampire and a blood thirsty werewolf.
And besides, he’s family.
Then again, I like the film “Santa Claus conquers the Martians” so my taste is questionable. (This was my favorite movie when I was 5 and if you haven’t seen this film, its a hideous piece of shit, trust me. You should still see it though.)
And yet, part of Los Angeles has been taken over more thoroughly than if the Occupy LA bunch had hand in it.
Mainly because the Twilight fans have a stated goal.
To shriek like giddy schoolgirls at the Twilight cast.
Which is ok if you’re a giddy schoolgirl.
But I saw a guy on the news that was a 50 year old father of 3 that camped out for 2 days BY HIMSELF and says that he is in “Edward’s camp”.
He is probably also on the pedophile watch list somewhere.
The phrase creepy mother-fucker comes to mind.
Just saying. (And mom, if you’re reading this, sorry about the language.)
In truth, I enjoyed the movies. I will see the latest Twilight film.
But I refuse to camp out. A) I like it the movies, but I do not love the movies. B) I am aware of what age I am.
Its kind of like any current kids band. When they come on the radio, I might listen for a second.
But I am not buying a poster and I am not going to the concert. I don’t have an Edward keychain, or a Jake screensaver.
Plus, have you heard the bubble gum shit they trowel out on the radio these days?
Back to Twilight.
Why does everyone have to be so tortured and sad?
Why not a smile?
Even if you are undead?
I am back at the beginning question.
All the girls are hot, all the guys are models.
And no one is sleeping with anyone.
At least not on camera.
Maybe the crew is having sex between takes.
I hope someone is.