And you bastards would die without me.

16 Nov

I believe in charity, I think its a good thing.

I have been known to make a donation on occasion.

I refuse to give change to the homeless.

With the exception of Garrett the homeless guy, but he’s like family. I am trying to get my mom to greenlight him for Thanksgiving. Just to fuck with the family.

That would be mean, in any other family but mine.

Back to charity.

There are two types of giving it seems.

The first is giving money.

Money is the one that is the most impersonal, but the one they need most of.

The second one is time and effort, and even this one breaks down into two types.

There is the selfless time and effort type that does it and no one finds out until you are dead, when the orphanage you helped build turns out at your funeral.

And then, there is the type of time and effort that seeks a little recognition.

And by a little recognition, I mean, of course “LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME! GOD DAMMIT, LOOK AT ME! EAT MY HOLINESS, BITCHES.”

Whew, glad I got that out.

You ever get something lodged deep down, screaming at you to get out so it can scream in public?

If you are thinking I have someone in mind, you are right.

No names, thats more than a bit rude, plus libel is a bitch in court when you put in writing on a blog.

Plus, my lawyer, a blood relation and one of the most cutthroat lawyers I have ever seen, has retired.

Gotta watch my shit from here on out.

Anyway, this person has done something seemingly nice, for the last year. Seemingly is the key word here.

Long term nice.

And posted pics and Facebook posts.

Several dozen pics, each with them as the star.

Not one post, and there are dozens, that says anything about who its for, but just how difficult it was for them.

About the selfless sacrifice.

The phrase that really got me going, was “Most people will never understand why I, and others like me, do selfless things like this.” (I shit you not)

It has been suggested that all of this effort is being done in the effort to have a golden statue erected at the white house.

Knock the national Xmas tree over and put the Golden statue up in its place.

Tack the Nobel prize for charity to it while your at it.

Saint charity kick me in the teeth, I am not worthy.

Ok, I think I have it all out of my system now.

I think giving your time and effort is a great thing. But, when you live your life bitching and moaning about how everything under the sun sucks and everyone you know is a rotten bastard to you, it just seems so out of place.

Its like if I became a phone councilor for people with low self esteem, we would all wait for the punchline.

And thats what this situation was like.

I am waiting for the punchline.

I mean, if you are going to do something don’t do it with an ulterior motive.

I also feel guilty and am considering possibly doing something charitable.

Its the tinsel talking.

God I hate the holidays.



Posted by on November 16, 2011 in Uncategorized


2 responses to “And you bastards would die without me.

  1. Betteroff

    November 16, 2011 at 8:27 am

    I to believe in charity . Like the help of family or helping a guy with a bad back lift a few bags of manure into the back of his truck , then walking away with a “Thank You”. Those I believe to be selfliss acts? The ones that kill me are the ones who like you stated, have to be front and center . Ive personaly been witness to both and was sick with all the back slapin they received. Knowing the truth of the help you’ve given goes a lot farther then your name on a practice field.
    Much love you know who you are!

    • Bittermac

      November 16, 2011 at 9:04 am

      Thanks. I was kind of feeling like a rotten bastard for writing this one.


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