Shutting up can be a bitch, trust me.
I wrote a blog awhile back about the fact that I cannot keep my mouth shut and frequently make the situation worse, simply by being unable to shut the hell up.
Same old, same old.
And this blog is not helping.
I used to have a little bit of a filter, not a huge one, but it was there.
Its just gone. I find crap spewing out of my mouth or onto a blog page that no sane man would spout in polite company.
Trust me when I say that my girlfriend has the patience of a frickin saint.
Lets hope she has some stamina too, because I am no day at the beach.
I think the worse thing about this whole no filter thing is that I know I had one once, so I notice the lack.
It would be a lot easier if I had never had it.
Because it ushers in my whole guilt issue. (If this comment confuses you, you have not been paying attention.)
I am not sure how it all ties in psychologically, but it does. I am a product of going to Catholic school, being raised Irish, and coming from an in your face kind of family.
This is a recipe for trouble.
The main manifestation is that when I am at my most self conscious or insecure, I am at full volume with no restraint on what I might say.
It is, however, a lot of fun.
Let me clarify this.
A lot of fun for me.
My friends girlfriends and wives are not big fans of it.
A shitty line might make me laugh and a friend laugh.
Right up until he sees the look on her face, and realizes that his entire evening is going to suck.
The bright spot is, this has gotten better as I have gotten older.
Like I have said, I try not to inflict myself on others if I can help it.
Its things like the blog that are the problem really.
If it is in writing, how can I deny that I ever said it?
Here is my twelve step program for being a pleasant conversation:
- Step 1. Shut the hell up. This seems like a gimme.
- Step 2. I guess I should be realistic about shutting up. I mean, I have to communicate.
- Step 3. I really don’t want to censor the blog. I would love to make a living blogging and you are not reading it because its polite.
- Step 4. If I am not going to censor the blog, it seems like a bad thing to censor my mouth, it would be a bit of a conflict and not healthy for a proper writing environment.
- Step 5. In the effort to find more blog topics, I should put myself into more public situations in order to observe more funny stuff.
- Step 6. Often times, I find that my behavior can be a funky catalyst for getting the situation going, so I really shouldn’t censor myself.
There, done and I didn’t even need 12 steps.
My plan is to go out more and be louder, without any restraints on my mouth.
Always good to have a plan.