Craig’s List is the devil

02 Nov

Every neighborhood has that one neighbor who is into garage sales.

They are either having one, or regaling you with stories of their fantastic finds.

On their end, this is wildly fun and exciting, on our end, its like a sudden case of the crabs.

And thats never pleasant for anyone involved.

And then Craig’s List came along.

This puts an entirely new spin on the whole thing.

Now the garage sale includes the whole city.

Let that sink in.

The WHOLE city.

Every drug addict, gang banger, smelly old guys with questionable stains on their pants, and those people who get in the elevator with horrid BO and you take a step away, maybe two.

All of them.

I don’t know about you, but there is about 80% of the city around me that I want nothing to do with.

Also, Craig’s List gives the druggies a new venue to sell either their own stuff or other peoples donations.

Everyone understand that by “donations” I mean stolen shit?

Good, at least we are on the same page.

Here is an examples of my forays into the world of Craig’s List:

  • I called about a bicycle I had seen for what seemed to be a great price. The guy said I was the first caller and that the first caller never shows, so he didn’t believe that I wanted to come see the bike. It took ten minutes to convince him that I would show up. When I did get there, he lowered the price 20% just because I showed. We keep in touch and may be working on a screenplay. This is still LA after all.


  • I listed an old futon for next to nothing. The guy that showed up first had a hell of a story. He had gotten out of jail 6 months before and was working as a cabinet maker. He learned wood working from a Catholic Priest that volunteered at the prison and had gotten him a job. He needed a futon because he couldn’t sleep on regular mattresses due to a broken back he had gotten during a Gang war/Prison riot. I felt so good about the fact that I was not him, I cannot tell you.


  • I called about an LCD TV being offered for a ridiculously low price. I went to West LA and spent 40 minutes fending off a drag queen named Luwanda who might have been selling the tv, but most likely was using it to lure men to the house. I tested this theory by having a lady friend call. Luwanda said the TV had been sold. I called back on another phone and Luwanda said the TV was still available, when did I want to come over and was I a Scorpio? Because I sound a lot like a Scorpio.


  • I listed a bicycle and the first person who came over was a cab driver, and his whole family. Armenians favor large families it seems and when the minivan cab side door opened, 8 children got out. Ara needed the bike for his eldest son, who had gotten his first job and needed transportation. Ara and a shorter, less hairy Ara jr. haggled with me for an hour. I enjoyed the haggling so much that I let them have it for a third lest than I had asked. If you like the show, you should pay for it.

Most scientists do hundreds of tests before they form their theories.

Not me. 3 or 4 times tops and I have all I need.

I don’t recommend selling stuff on Craig’s List if you are a single woman, unless you are into body building or MMA, its kind of an assault waiting to happen.

That may seem sexist, but it happens enough that it is not a stereotype.

I am a short, chunky male, but I go to the ATM late at night without hesitating because I know that the only thing anyone wants is my money.

I am not what the predators get sweaty about.

The long and the short is Craig’s List is like a garage sale with a much larger crowd of freaks that may show up and paw their way thru your stuff.

And its just as annoying.

(Back to the crabs analogy.)




Posted by on November 2, 2011 in Uncategorized


4 responses to “Craig’s List is the devil

  1. CR

    November 2, 2011 at 8:21 am

    Good one Will – I may have a few things that if you sell for me on Craigs list we could split the profits……….

    • Bittermac

      November 2, 2011 at 11:13 am

      Alright, but if I show up and you are dressed like a tranny, the deal is off.

  2. Vicki

    November 2, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    Great GREAT blog… I dont know why I think this one is soooo good… I have a feeling its the editing and the whole opener and closer – grand slam BitterMac!

    • Bittermac

      November 2, 2011 at 5:29 pm

      Ah, I am basking in the love on this one…….Thank you.


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