Starbucks in the afternoon.

28 Oct

If you want me to stop on the sidewalk, listen patiently to your position, and sign your petition, the absolute best way to do that is to have a beautiful young lesbian do it.

Just saying.

I am still not sure what the petition was about.

Whales maybe.

And yet, the entire experience was semi ruined by the fact that she didn’t match the wicked stereo-type all men keep in the back of their evil little mind about lesbians.

No g-string. Like, at all.

Cargo shorts. Not baggy ones, but cutesy, form fitting ones.

No pasties. Not even a bustier or sports bra.


Adorable, pretty, knew her subject matter and presented it well.


No wonder her page was full of signatures. Mine too.

What I was hoping for was a sluttier, flirtier Lindsay Lohan on ecstasy.

Her partner is a lucky bitch.

Starbucks has a totally different vibe in the afternoon.

The rush is missing. The people are not in a hurry to get their drug and get to work. (Caffeine, look it up.)

There are business folks, not starting their day, they are in the middle of their day. Shit is rolling at this point.

Half of the business people are having meetings and working on laptops. I managed to rudely listen in and watch a powerpoint presentation for a development project.

Highly informative and has nothing to do with me.

The other half of the business crowd are on the phone.

The wonderful thing about business calls via cell at Starbucks is that, due to the music, they are forced to talk louder.

Which means I get to hear the whole thing.

After giving the entire conversation a listen the only thing I can say is this.

I would kill people in Pharmaceutical sales.

Not, “I would make a killing”. I mean, “I would go to jail for murder”.

This woman made 5 calls, asked, begged, pleaded and was smacked down by everyone she talked to. Then she called someone named Hal and told him that she was doing great and then detailed the calls and her plans to visit all the people who shit on her tomorrow.

Bright and early.

I got out of sales a few years ago and my sanity returned shortly after.

Before anyone got hurt.

Being in sales is a lot like being in prison. Its cutthroat, you can’t trust anyone, and the stories are always good.

My biggest flaw as a salesman was the fact that I have a hard time shutting up.

Is that really shocking anyone?

The other occupants of Starbucks in the late afternoon is the elderly. I get the feeling that Coffee Bean clears them out after noon.

The afternoon staff is your “B team”.

These are the barrista’s and cashiers that are not ready for the big game.

Counting change is a noticeable issue.

You know there is a problem when you are getting $.60 in change and the girl needs to “Start over” when counting it back.


Another red flag is if someone orders something difficult and the barrista has to pour it out and start over a few times.

You start to worry.

Luckily, I took math in school, so I can count for the both of us, and I drink regular coffee, nothing fancy. I cut the barrista and the risk of something nasty in a cup out of the whole equation.

I try to remove as many risk factors as I can in my life.

Morning is much more fun.

The afternoon lacks the edginess of the morning.

Everyone brings their A game.

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Posted by on October 28, 2011 in Uncategorized


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