The shit that comes out of your mouth

18 Oct

I was listening to someone in a Starbucks the other day and they said something odd.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass what she thinks.”

First of all, ew.

Second of all, specifically, how much is a rat’s ass worth?

And why am I wondering about a rat’s ass? Is this a gay thing? Either way, its a nasty thing to contemplate.

And, as always, that got me wondering about weird phrases that I hear on a regular basis that make no sense.

And here they are:

“That guy flew, ass over tea kettle, into the ditch.”
I heard this one not five minutes after the “rat’s ass” comment so it stood out.
Why would your ass be over a tea kettle? Why is the ass involved again? It can’t be based on a physical reality, mainly because it makes no sense.
Maybe its dirty. (Pretty much anything can be dirty, in my opinion. )

“I don’t know whether to shit or go blind at this point.”
I have done some thinking about this one and it may be tied to masturbation.
Can’t be sure. Going blind, however, harkens back to the admonishments of my Catholic school upbringing.
And as I always say, we can talk about masturbation later.

“Old habits die hard.”
I doubt this is about how difficult it is to kill nuns.
Sorry, catholic school can affect your perspective for life.
So can prison for many of the same reasons.

“it’s hotter than a snakes ass on a hot rock.”
WTF? Who the hell talks this way?
If I am going to consider this one at all, I have two comments.
One. I was not aware snakes had asses. I mean, I realize that they have to have some way to shit, but you never really think about them having one.
Two. The person that thought this one up has beastiality issues. There was long, hard contemplation of a snake’s anus. Unless you are an anthropologist. this points to some sort of serious sexual issues.

“Familiarity breeds contempt”
I am a big fan of contempt. There are times that I feel like people are trying to be too polite, too politically correct.
However, I think most people find it easier to be ruder to strangers. The better you know someone, the more likely you are to be nice.
I am not a good example of this.

“Going to hell in a handbasket.”
This one makes no sense at all. This sounds more like a fetish type of thing. Some sort of fire bondage/whicker torture thing.

In the end, I think a lot of weird phrases just get made up, sound cool and caught on. They can be stupid, sick or just make no sense.

Looked at from that perspective, I am in favor of these little annoying phrases.

After all, like my Mother used to say:

“Get your ass in the house or I will plant you in the driveway and run you over with the car!”

That one never really caught on.


Posted by on October 18, 2011 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , ,

4 responses to “The shit that comes out of your mouth

  1. TLC

    October 18, 2011 at 8:52 am

    I agree allot of weird sayings.. This old lady that lives in my building has a few:

    When I ask how she is doing she replies “Well I’m finer than a frogs hair”

    When she has to go to the rest room she says ” I gotta go see a man about a horse”

    What are we doing to the english language?

    • Bittermac

      October 18, 2011 at 9:22 am

      We aren’t doing anything, its already been done.

  2. TD

    October 18, 2011 at 9:47 am

    And my favorite… “For Fucks Sake!”

    What’s yours?

    • Bittermac

      October 18, 2011 at 10:00 am

      Such language in my little innocent ears.
      “The rule of thumb” This seems like such an innocent saying, maybe its a builder’s saying or something. Turns out it that the “Rule of thumb was what a 17th Century judge said you could beat your wife with, a stick no thicker than your thumb. Creepy.


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