Skipping into the sunset…

26 Sep

There is a Tranny hooker out there that might kick my butt over this one, or she might love it. Depends on your point of view.

I am sipping my cup of daily drug at the Starbucks near LAX when a man flounces in.

I kid you not, flounces.

First of all, flouncing in Doc Martin boots is a tough thing to pull off. Add to that a leather jacket that has several hundred little buttons on it and pants that are embarrassingly too god damn tight and you almost have it all.

But then theres the hair.

A bright-pink, fluffy mohawk.

Taking the entire thing in is almost overwhelming to the mind.

He gets in the four person line and begins doing something that looks suspiciously like vogueing.

Are you kidding me?

I go get in line, I might need a cookie, but basically, I just gotta see this.

The question of whether this guy is gay is not even a question.

“Don’t ask don’t tell” has has been replaced with “Shout it from the rooftops, ladies!”

I begin to worry that he will set off the sprinklers.

Its not PC, I get that. But this guy is so over the top, the only thing missing is a full length mink and a peacock on a leash.

I could be wrong , but I think he has begun an abbreviated electric slide.

This is a show all to itself.

I am thrilled, and yet begin to panic as to how to how the hell I can do this justice in print.

And now it is his turn to order.

He orders fairly quickly and moves over.

There are few things in life that are more uncomfortably interesting than watching a really odd individual who is convinced that he is the shit.

And then he begins to hit on the barrista.

The barrista is a lanky young guy with glasses and questionable skin. This is not a kid that is living the player lifestyle.

Mohawk has posted up near the pickup window, and is taking the name literally. He is leaning almost his whole torso into the barrista’s station.

“You have very sensual hands, do you paint?”

THAT is his pickup line.

I begin choking in line, I seriously don’t want to spoke this guy, or god forbid focus his attentions on me.

I can hit homophobic at times, but I am comforted by having been told once by a gay coworker that I am definitely not what a gay nation is looking for. (Which, by the way, is only insulting if you are gay.)

Mohawk is launching into his description of his acting career.

This is getting so badly uncomfortable its damned near perfect.

The barrista has gone totally silent, turned bright red and is seriously falling behind in his coffee beverage creation.

And it is not phasing Mohawk one little bit.

“There is a party at a friends house tonight, if your looking for something to do later…” He leaves that one dangling.

I begin to envision a horrifying tale of roofies and forced sodomy that, from the barrista’s point of view, is pretty chilling even as a concept.

Somehow, someway, the barrista finishes Mohawk’s latte and hands it across with shaky hands and a subvocal mutter that sounds like “No” but I can’t be sure.

Mohawk shifts gears and takes his latte and heads to the door throwing a “TTFN” over his shoulder.

The motherfucker skips out of Starbucks.

He was incredible.

And I will never forget him.


Posted by on September 26, 2011 in Uncategorized


8 responses to “Skipping into the sunset…

  1. Puzzled

    September 26, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Your hatred of him for his sexuality is sad. You make no attempt to understand him or his struggles, just make fun of something or someone you don’t understand. This is typical for this blog. How sad.

    • Bittermac

      September 26, 2011 at 12:02 pm

      Ms. X. I am shocked you had the balls to comment in the daylight, where you could be seen. Let’s get to it, shall we?
      First, I don’t hate him. Never said it, never implied it, did make fun of it, but never indicated any sort of anger of hatred of him.
      Second, Not my job to understand him or his struggles. The world will judge you regardless of what you have had to go thru.
      Third, it is typical for this blog to observe an unusual personality and then blog about it in a sarcastic way, regardless of race, creed, color, or sexuality.
      Stop reading the damned blog if my behavior upsets you.
      Thank you for commenting.
      And, as before…

      Eat shit.


      • Tranny Hooker

        September 26, 2011 at 1:14 pm’re the best!!!

        -Tranny Hooker

      • Bittermac

        September 26, 2011 at 1:23 pm

        And here I was worried my favorite Tranny Hooker would not like the blog. As always, my lesbian champion. For the record, I would love to take Mohawk to Noah’s bagels. If they flipped out over me bringing a homeless to breakfast there, they will shit themselves when he comes rolling in.
        Thanks for your support.
        (PS. If anyone reads this, you should be clicking the ads. Shameless self promotion dammit!)

    • Tranny Hooker

      September 26, 2011 at 1:13 pm

      Bittermac is only voicing his opinions. That is what this site is all about. You said it yourself, “this is typical for this blog” so why are you puzzled? I am a lesbian and love Bittermac’s blogs because he calls ’em as he sees ’em. Frankly, people who flaunt everything they have, creep me out too! And I repeat, I AM A LESBIAN!!! Do you really believe that a flouncing man with a bright pink fluffy mohawk, a leather jacket with hundreds of buttons and pants that are way too tight is trying to go unnoticed ? He is BEGGING for attention! If he were in the gay pride parade this whole scenario may be a bit different, but it’s fucking Starbucks!! If this man with the crazy costume doesn’t realize that there is a time and a place for everything, then he’s got a lot to learn! Be honest with yourself, “Puzzled”, if you were in Starbucks and saw Mr. Flouncy-pants glide in and put the moves on the young male barrista, you would have had the same reaction. The only difference is that you don’t have the courage to admit it as Bittermac does. Seriously, you need to find another blog.

      • allamericangirl

        September 26, 2011 at 10:34 pm

        I agree! 🙂

      • Bittermac

        September 27, 2011 at 7:58 am

        With what, specifically?

  2. allamericangirl

    September 26, 2011 at 10:33 pm

    Too funny Will!


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