Love, Honor and Cherish

30 Aug

An interesting diorama unfolded in the food court in the Washington Square Mall in Tigard Oregon.

Everyone got that?

A man in his 80’s or so was arguing with his wife. That doesn’t seem so out of place. However, his wife, who appears to be older, has an oxygen tank and some Kung Pao chicken that she does not want to share and evidently it is driving to old guy insane.

Add to the mix a young man that would have to be a grandson since I am positive that A) the old guy is not capable of fathering a child. Viagra can get it up, but it can’t make the gun fire without real bullets. B) The old woman appears to be too old to conceive and live thru the delivery. I am fairly certain her ovaries started their retirement years ago.

The boy may even be a great grandson, but I could easily be wrong.

The really fun part is this.

The old man and woman are having their little argument in a whisper, totally in keeping with their generations hard-fast rule of “Don’t make a scene in public.” Of course, this was also the generation that had the rule “Don’t beat her in public”. A lot of shit went down behind closed doors back when.

The boy has on ear buds and is listening to an Ipod and looking around at various things. Girls, food, shiny lights. He is a teenager and easily distracted. (Not sure what my issue is, I am not a teenager and I have the attention span of a horny gnat around rotten fruit.)

But, every now and then, the boy chimes in on the conversation. But, because he apparently has his Ipod cranked up, he is all but shouting. He has done it 5 times in as many minutes. Everytime he erupts with a comment, it scares the old woman half to death.

Nothing makes a young man happier than some dysfunctional time with the grandparents.

On the nice side, my children are fantastically well behaved. I am kind of an arrogant dick about it. I found out a long time ago that I have no patience for other peoples kids. Mine are brilliant and beautiful, everyone elses are slugs. Got that?

Things seemed to be reaching a peak when the old guy reached out and just pulled her plate over to his side of the table. It was a phenomenally shitty move that you have to know someone for decades before you can attempt that kind of crap. The look on the old guys face seemed to echo shock at his own action. Kind of an, “I can’t believe I just did that.”

The old lady just stared straight ahead like nothing happened.

The old guy tried to say something.

The old lady did not move.

The next few moments were an odd transfer of power. The old guy lost the advantage and he knew it. The old woman was beating the living shit out of him by not even acknowledging his existence.
In the end, he just sheepishly slid the plate slowly back across the table.


In the long run, it was probably the smart move. He has to sleep sometime. And after you have been married for a few decades, that is where the real animosity can build up.

And that’s when someones gets his penis cut off in his sleep.

And we know this.

1 Comment

Posted by on August 30, 2011 in Uncategorized


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One response to “Love, Honor and Cherish

  1. Diane McKinley

    September 1, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    isn’t is incredible how we can’t wait to get older for what ever reason and before you know it you’ve regressed to your days in the back yard and making mud pies or throwing rocks at a stack of cans.


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