There is a vicious, scorched-earth, fully bi-polar argument going in Starbucks right now. Shit is being thrown out there that you should never say to someone you are sleeping with, much less a loved one.
In total silence.
There is a guy at a corner table who is deaf. He has his Iphone propped up against his coffee cup, and if I casually lean over, there is a dark haired woman signing furiously and angrily into her webcam.
I have no clue whats being said other than the expressions, unlike Spanish, which I can sound out. I don’t even know how to sign what day it is.
He has been signing furiously for thirty seconds and now slowly licked several of his fingers and it has seriously pissed off the woman on the phone even more than before. Sign language seems to have newer options for going dirty.
This is absolutely fascinating.
And then its over, he gets up and leaves, in total silence.
He may be deaf, but he still has the same issues we all do. Some more than others.
I couldn’t be deaf, I would go insane. Anger demands noise, that is basic human nature.
But on the same note, being deaf would make me impossible to be around as well. Most deaf people accept it and grow to enjoy it.
For me, it would be like having a permanent case of the shits. Always there, always annoying. I would exist in this permanent cloud of pissy that would make me even more unpleasant than I am.
And I can be pretty unpleasant.
But I started wondering why the deaf guy has an Iphone to begin with, its not like he can use it.
And then it hits me like a smack with the big “Hey dumbfuck!” stick.
He is using his phone.
Maybe not how I would, but now everyone can use a phone. The technology has now caught up with the needs of the deaf.
In other words, the people that don’t need phones? They now need phones. And not just any phone, but one of the most expensive, high end phones on the market, with one of the costliest rate plans.
Very clever, AT&T. Or shall I just call you Mr. Jobs?
I can see it all now.
This is world wide conspiracy shit. This is like an Internet grassy knoll, data plan goes back….and to the left, broadband-Da Vinci code type thing.
Should I suddenly meet with some sort of suspicious accident, be aware that “They” had a hand in it.
(And by “Accident” I don’t mean like a child fouling himself. I have only done that once and it involved a lot of grain alcohol.)
I have begun poring over my cell bill, looking for some sort of code. Unfortunately, I think I have a better chance to crack the Beale Cipher, (Google it), than I do of figuring out the AT&T/Apple master plan.
But at least we know there is one.