This is science…..Dammit!

12 Aug

There is a hotel near LAX airport that is kind of a way-point with international travelers. At any given moment, 80% of the hotel’s patrons just flew in from another country.

Why am I telling you this?

Because there is a Starbucks across the street.

Again, why am I telling you this?

German albinos.

I shit you not.

I did a double take as I came thru the door. Three of them. Red eyed and pale.


Albinos are disturbing enough, but add to the equation that they are chittering in German and you have the recipe for full blown skin crawl.

Worse than the time I dated the girl with the outee belly button, and that one took months to recover from.

Back to the albinos.

I get my coffee, a cookie and rush to throw cream and sugar in before they get away.

I may have to kidnap them. I am that curious.

First, staging an encounter.

They sit outside, because there is nowhere to sit inside, but this Starbucks has a huge stone patio.  All of the furniture is wrought iron and makes hideous scraping noises when you move the chairs.

I watch thru the glass as each takes his turn pulling his chair out while the other two cover their ears. They are sensitive to sounds.


This is so mean. However, you came to me, so suck it up.

I enter the patio and realize that I am Jane Goodall, Albinos in the mist.

I can’t stand it anymore, I walk over and pull up a screechee chair and am treated to all three of them holding their ears.

I sit. I am both nervous and excited. I realize that I need to fart, but it might startle them and make them scatter. I don’t want them running into traffic in a blind panic.

They are staring at me like I have either a secret to tell them or cookies. I could kick myself as I realize I have a cookie.

I break off a little piece of chocolate chunk cookie and put it in the middle of the table.  It would have been cool to try and get them to eat out of my hand, but that is a little ambitious for a first encounter with wild albinos.

Nothing. They stare like I just told them they were adopted.

I decide to try verbal communication.

The next five minutes is very confusing and disheartening.

First, Albino Germans are not any better than tanned Germans at puzzling out English, and I don’t speak German.
Second, Germans are generally not the most outgoing of people. Especially when visiting another country.

Plus I want them to wow me and do tricks and I quickly come to the conclusion that they are not going to.

I finally just give up and leave.

This sounded like so much more fun in my head.


Posted by on August 12, 2011 in Uncategorized


3 responses to “This is science…..Dammit!

  1. sunshynelb

    August 12, 2011 at 10:47 am

    DU bist ein verrückter Wichser! Ich liebe dich!

  2. sunshynelb

    August 12, 2011 at 10:48 am

    translation: YOU are a crazy fucker! i love you!


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