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The startling conclusion….(Evil Couple part 2)

02 Aug

The best description I have come up with for Mrs. Evil Couple is that her whole manner for dealing with people is that she thinks you are a moron, and she is sick of your shit. And she treats everyone this way, the cashier, Barrista, people in line and at the cream and sugar kiosk and that also includes her husband.
The husband paid with out saying anything, just took his change and sat down.
The wife was attempting to call someone who was not answering their phone, loudly sighing each time she dialed and got no answer.
When the husband sat down, the fun began.
It is customary that when the fight starts, the fighters touch gloves and are warned to protect themselves at all times.
Not this woman.
He had gotten both of their coffees, sat down and had just dialed and put the phone to his ear when she reached over and grabbed his wrist, pulling HIS phone away from HIS head.
“I am not happy with the upstairs remodel, I want the other one.”  She said, picking up her coffee without even a thanks. I realize that it should not make her sound more evil that she has a Czech accent, but it does.
His face was a mask of confusion. “What? The contractors started on that two days ago!”
She doesn’t miss a beat. “I don’t care, it is horrible. I want it changed.”
“But this was the design you wanted-”
“Fine, you move into that room, I won’t let the boys sleep there.”
“My father said that the colors-”
“I don’t want to hear what your father has to say, he is so stupid, sometimes I think he’s retarded.”
The confused slash pained look on his face is that of a man that realizes he is now fucked, no matter what he does.
She sips her latte and all but spits it on the table.  “You got it too hot, again.”
He runs a hand thru his hair, trying to get his brain in synch again.
“I can talk to the contractor before lunch, let him know you want to make a change.” He taps a note to himself on his Blackberry.
My gut instinct is to despise this guy for having no backbone.
However, I know something about dealing with difficult women. He is just keeping his head down like a man being shot at by a crazy person.
He decided to try a different direction. He taps his Blackberry.
“Sean texted me earlier, he and Julie would like us to go to dinner sometime this week, I didn’t know what night would be best.” He waited for her to consider.
She is not having any of that common courtesy shit from him.
“Thats because you don’t know shit.” She mutters under her breath and snatches, yes snatches his Blackberry up and begins, I assume, to reply to HIS text on HIS Blackberry.
He is fuming the whole time. When she is done, she puts it down and they lock eyes for a few seconds, before he breaks eye contact.
She actually smiled as she picked up her coffee, which two seconds ago was too hot to drink, and took a huge sip.
“The soy has gone bad.” She made another face.
He busied himself with his phone. His brows peeked at something on his Blackberry.
“My mom wants us to come out to come stay for the weekend.”
“Ugh, I can’t deal with your parents right now.” Yeah, she looks like she is stressing, about important stuff, like getting her hair combed.
“I would like to see my mom.”
“Then you should have married her, I think you must be queer for her.” In my family, the fistfight would have just begun.
He is done. He puts his hands down, palms flat on the table in front and leans in.
“Quit being a bitch!” His voice is low, pitched for her ears only, still kind of polite.
“Quit being such a faggot BASTARD!” Her voice is loud, pitched for the guy in the bathroom to hear clearly. The Czech accent just ratchets this up another notch.
The Starbucks has come to a standstill. It exists in this awkward pocket of time.
Delicious.
The hang time on this one is agonizing.
And just as quickly, its over.
His Blackberry buzzes. He picks it up and reads it, the tension oddly draining out of him.
WTF?
“Sean likes Friday, we should go to the Hawaiian place again.”
She smiles, no shit, she smiles. “I like the bacon rice.”
They stand and get ready to leave.
“Can I walk you to the office?”
He smiles like they just met and she did not just shit on him in public.
“Sure.”
I sit stunned and confused. This had nothing to do with me, I was just a witness.
But I still feel dirty.

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3 Comments

Posted by on August 2, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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3 responses to “The startling conclusion….(Evil Couple part 2)

  1. Duke Rennie

    August 3, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    Brother.. This is brilliant.

     

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