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The dawn of the Crazy Bitch.

30 Dec

“That bitch is crazy.”

This is the line from the table next to mine.

The girls, mid-twenties, dressed like their parents have a few dollars but they haven’t figured out that skill yet.

The line itself is a fairly interesting one.

Crazy bitch is a staple in modern America.

Everyone knows a crazy bitch, or they have that special little darling in their own life.

But there are varying levels of crazy to be dealt with.

I did a quick study of crazy bitches online, and after you filter out the porn sites, and there are a LOT of them, whats left is some scary shit.

It seems that there is a seriously wide range of crazy bitch behavior out there.

Much like snowflakes, no two crazy bitches are alike.

But I have broken it down into the 5 basic degrees of crazy bitches.

1. Mildly crazy bitch. This is the beginning of the range and often the craziness is not obvious. You often marry and have kids with this one. Her craziness will manifest itself at holidays, company picnics and formal dinners. The red flag is that she refers to every guy she has dated in the past as “That asshole”.

2. Fairly crazy bitch. This girl is in the drama at all times. Emotionally, she is still in high school and it shows. She plays a lot of farmville and has a tendency to drink a bit too much. This is what facilitates her dramatic, over the top performances. You tend to date this one, if she is in her twenties, she will be actively trying to get pregnant and the last thing you need is to be tied to this chick forever. To quote a friend that is a stand up comedian, you can screw this pussy, but don’t trust this pussy.

3. The thinking man’s crazy bitch. She is convinced she is intelligent. In fact, people that know her will tell you how smart she is. This is your red flag, when others, typically women. instinctively offer nuggets of info as to why you should like her. In the end, they collect men like shoes and you can never be sure if you are kissing what some other guy had for lunch.

4. The “Bat-shit Crazy bitch”. This girl is sex on a stick, built like a playboy bunny on a binder. The sex is incredible and she is THE party. However, the third time you wake up to her holding a steak knife to your testicles? Thats when you find out how hard it is to put geni back in the bottle.

5. The seemingly perfect woman. She is a professional, has a great job, money, looks, seems to have all of her shit in order. The relationship is awesome, right up until its not. The crazy part comes in when you begin to notice that you are slipping into crazy when you are with her. She is a catalyst for bad in your life. She will not try to cut off your balls, but she will be there when you figure out that cutting off your own balls is a good idea. This is that chick that fucks up your relationships for a long time.

In the long run, its a natural instinct to find someone and either procreate or at least hang out.

So basically, as men, we are screwed.

Unless you want to go the asexual route, which I don’t recommend.

Michael Jackson was asexual and we all know how that went.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on December 30, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

2 responses to “The dawn of the Crazy Bitch.

  1. SKANLYN

    December 30, 2013 at 9:08 am

    Depressingly true.

     
    • bittermac

      December 30, 2013 at 11:31 am

      Think of it as joyfully true. Like some sort of crazy game that you just keep playing until your luck runs out. Ok, depressingly true.

       

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