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Hugh Jackman is the new Chuck Norris

21 Feb

Hugh Jackman is on David Letterman tonight.

That bastard lives under a lucky star.

He plays all of these manly roles that women shit themselves over.

I friend of mine has begun texting me “Lucky Hugh” sayings.

They appear to be a lot like Chuck Norris sayings.

Here are my current favorite top 5:

1. Hugh Jackman has to move pussy out of the way to get out of the house.

2. Hugh has a tattoo on the end of his dick that says, “Next”.

3. Hugh Jackman lost his virginity in the maternity ward, shortly after birth.

4. Hugh Jackman can impregnate a woman just by thinking about it.

5. Women try to slip Hugh roofies.

Ok, so none of those are setting the world on fire, but they are at least moderately amusing.

Beside, its late and I can’t sleep.

You take your entertainment where you can find it.

A few ladies I know on FB are quite worked up over the whole “Hugh Jackman” appearance.

I am sure that many a neck massager’s batteries are being drained as we speak.

Pace yourselves, ladies, rubbing a raw spot is never pleasant and rarely worth it.

And yet, for all my sarcasm, I do like Hugh as an actor.

Why? You might ask?

Because I’m a nerd.

The man played Wolverine in the X-men movies.

He could live on that kind of karma with me for the rest of his career.

That was one of my favorite comic books growing up, and I collected a lot of them.

However, I never kept any in the kind of condition that you would be able to sell them for a tidy profit later in life.

I have a nervous habit of chewing the corners of the pages as I read.

Its a twisted combination of having been in Catholic school and basic insecurity.

The nun that ran the school library hated me with a passion.

Can’t blame her, really.

I have kicked the habit as an adult.

Mainly from being addicted to the Amazon Kindle, not from any sort of willpower on my part.

No more paper is involved.

Between caffeine and the Kindle, my addiction dance card is filled.

And if you think the Kindle does not have a certain addiction factor attached to it, you either don’t have one, or you are semi illiterate.

Either way, its my thing and, as far as addictions go, its not all that bad.

Reading is at least beneficial.

However, when you find yourself getting honked at because you missed the green light at the signal because you were reading.

But, compared to Meth or Heroin, its almost not in the category.

So, once again, my actions are golden.

I love how that works.

 
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Posted by on February 21, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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